This Is Me

2007-07-09T19:20:00.000-05:00

It has been a while, huh? News is as follows:

The Madam will be released on October 1st, 2007. In case you were wondering (or ifyou really are that slow, haha) that's the cover.

Synopsis:

Jade Wilcox is a queen bee at the top of her game. She s the number-one celebrity agent in the country, she s got a great man, and everyone she knows is an A-Lister. But nothing lasts forever. Everyone knows that sex sells, so when her near-bankrupt boss uses that idea to his advantage, it means a world of change is headed for Jade. Her fairy-tale life is about to turn into a nightmare as she fills shoes she d never thought she would wear: those of a madam, a mother hen to a flock of high-priced call girls. As she struggles to juggle both sides of her life, Jade must keep herself and her girls on the right side of the law without losing her own life or anyone else. This becomes harder and harder to do because the smallest triggers become everyone motivation for murder. Jade has her eye on the finish line, but can she get there before she becomes a victim of the world she has worked so hard to become a part of?

I will also be signing copies of Stripped and promoting The Madam at the Harlem Book Fair on Saturday, July 21st, 2007. It will be held from 11am to 6pm on 135th street between 5th Avenue and 7th Avenue. Get there!

(Also, my birthday just happens to fall two weeks after my release date, on the 13th. Keep in mind that I am looking forward to my surprise party:)

Vaca

2007-04-01T09:55:00.001-05:00

So I f*cked around last night, finished up the story on Friday afternoon. Well, almost. I still gotta do the edit, but as long as the story is done, I could really care less you know? I chilled, I was straight. Need a glass of water for that cottonmouth, though.

I watched Apocalypto yesterday. Now you all know how I feel about that whole out-of-the-way bone-in-the-lip culture type of thing, but this movie was pure fire. Then I watched the end half of Blood Diamond which was also much better than I thought it would be. I saw Babel last week and that was pretty good as well (those were two of the Oscar contenders this year meaning if you add The Departed, which I saw, I'll have watched all the winners this year.)

Anywho, that wrsps up my Oscar recap, so I'll be back later with a recap on how Nas is so very right when he says that hip-hop is dead.

Big Things...

2007-03-17T02:44:00.000-05:00

I've got two very big stories to pos abot, coming this Sunday night. I've been requested to add my opinion on the North vs. South debate. I think I've been quiet long enough, right? The second is going to be my thoughts on the Shaun Bell case. If you didn't know, Monday we'll be getting the results from the jury. Hopefully that "I saw the second gunman on the grassy knoll" bullshit going on, we can finally see some justice.
Beyond that I'll be posting a few updates. I have a cold and it is blowin' my high so good night.

Updates

2007-02-21T23:44:00.000-05:00

Look for me this Saturday, February 24th when I will be signing copies of Stripped at the Waldenbooks at Green Acres Mall in Valley Stream, New York. 516-561-0077

Congratulations to Shaniqua Ellis of Philadelphia, PA for winning the I Wanna Strip Contest. She won a gift certificate to the S-Factor where she will take a stripping class. Read on and enjoy, girlfriend!

More updates will be posted as soon as they are available. Also, look on my Myspace page (http://www.myspace.com/msrippa) for the preview to my next book, The Madam, tentatively due this fall.

Love,

-j

Nomination

2007-02-20T11:54:00.000-05:00

I've been nominated for the Best New Author Award 2007!! To get your vote on, follow the instructions below.

Nominations: January 8-February 28, 2007 (mailto: nominations@cushcity.com). IN THE SUBJECT OF THE E-MAIL MESSAGE, PUT THE NAME OF THE AUTHOR YOU WISH TO NOMINATE PLUS "BEST NEW AUTHOR AWARD." (EXAMPLE: John Doe - Best New Author Award). All nominations must be submitted via e-mail. DO NOT send any attachments with your nomination.
To see the list of current nominees, click here:
http://www.cushcity.com/displaypages/nominees.htm

Thanks for all your continued support.

Throwback

2007-02-12T17:06:00.000-05:00

I've been gettin in my dose of throwbacks lately. Today I been sitting here with my mama listening to Queen Latifah, Klymaxx (damn them was some bad years), Jodeci, you know. Saturday night found me and my man in his auntie's crib, blowin it down and reminscing over old songs, old times, and old liquors. Well, they did the talking and I did the listening because they had me laughing so damn hard. Friday I got home and blasted TLC until four in the morning. It got me to thinking about how much different things were when we were younger. (Back in them days when you got babysat by the chick from upstairs who used to braid the shit outta your hair and she also gave you your first puff of weed? Those days.) Just takin that walk down memory lane can be rather refreshing. *Sigh*

Poppin My Head In...

2007-02-06T21:28:00.001-05:00

A few quick updates to let you guys know what's going on this month:

February 14th: The winner of the Wanna Get Stripped Contest will be announced. The prize is a free stripping class at the S-Factor.
February 25th: A book signing in Green Acres, Valley Stream, NY

There will be more posted as soon as I can get to it.

Let Her Eat Cake... And Her Words

2007-02-05T09:04:00.000-05:00

Oprah Winfrey lost every shred of respect I ever thought I had for her.

It takes a lot for someone to lose my respect. And she has done it. She built a 40 million dollar school for girls in South Africa, and it opened on January 2nd. Then she destroyed her charitable donation by opening her mouth. When asked why she wouldn't spend that kind of money here, her Highness replied, "I became so frustrated with visiting inner-city schools that I just stopped going. The sense that you need to learn just isn't there...Inner-city kids here don’t appreciate the value of a free education…If you ask the kids what they want or need, they will say an iPod or some sneakers. In South Africa, they don't ask for money or toys. They ask for uniforms so they can go to school." (Source: The Daily News)

This woman has sat around for years, telling everyone her sob life story. About how life was, growing up in the South, struggling for everything she had. Telling us how hard work paid off in the end and got her where she is now. Well, let meask you something, sweetie:

Have you ever been to an inner-city school, Oprah? Not as a celebrity, but as a student? Have you ever had to share a textbook with three other kids because there aren't enough to go around? Had to be late to the next class because the teacher had to make photocopies of the homework from a textbook they won't let you take home? Do you know what it's like to go to school with a metal-detector, and police officers on every floor? Do you know the fear of coming to class will keep you from paying attention because you don't know who is going to jump you after school? How can a student be hungry for knowledge when they are hungry for food, clean clothes, a safe place to come home to at the end of the night where parents aren't fighting, or a place to come home to at all? Do you know what it's like to be a teenager and have children of your own and then have to find the strength to get up and come to class yourself? Do you know what it's like to deal with teachers who aren't properly equipped for the job they've taken on? To be taught by someone who thinks your work isn't good enough because you're black? Do you know what it's like to have to be hungry all day long because the school supplied food is inedible? Have you ever been so discouraged by the fact that you don't think you're smart enough, that you just give up because you have no one to tell you you're worth it, and you don't know it yourself? Have you ever been so worn down by the every-day goings on of an inner-city school that you just don't have the mental-capacity toget up and go back?

Hmmmm.....I can answer no for you to at least five of those questions. As a person who knows nothing about inner-city schools (especially here in New York, where I attended), you have little or no right to tell us what we do and do not deserve. There are no state-of-the-art computer labs for us to do our work in. There are no science labs with proper supplies that allow us to pass our chemistry classes without fear of what HCL will do to our one pair of good pants. We have no quality gym programs. There is a strong desire to learn but every time we get a spark started, someone or something comes to douse our flames. Kids would want to go to school if there were an incentive. And don't give me the "your diploma is incentive enough" bullcrap either. After twelve years in any inner-city school, those of us who make it to the finish line have little left to continue going. Sure, there are plenty of success stories, and I like to think of myself as one of them. But there are just as many kids who fall by the wayside because there isn't enough caring to go around. Politicians say the same things all the time, rehashing the rehash about how our children need this and how they need that. So why haven't we gotten it yet? Of course South African children don't ask for iPod's. Are they exposed to the advertising tactics that American children are exposed to? NO! So now we'll have a bunch of very-well educated South African girls come over to American and get the jobs that a perfectly good little American black girl couldn't ge because someone didn't give enough of a damn about her to say, hey, let me build you a quality learning system. And my final point is this: inner-city schools leave many of us without the proper educational fortification for this world even if we do make it to 12th grade. I'm sure any child in a properly funded educatinal complex would be able to tell you twice as many things as an inner-city child for the simple fact that they have the means to do so. So think about that the next time you open your mouth and put your foot in it.

Guess Who's Bizzack

2007-02-02T16:10:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time, I shouldna left you, without a dope post to step to
step to, step to
step to, step to

It damn sure has been a long time ain't it? I got so much to tell you guys, so much to share, so many faithful readers to get back...

Wanna Get Stripped?

2006-10-26T20:13:00.001-05:00

Enter to win a gift certificate from the S-Factor, located in all major cities and learn firsthand from the professionals how to get STRIPPED!! Log onto the website for more details: http://www.melodramapublishing.com Contest ends January 31, 2007. Winner will be announced February 14th, 2007 (Valentine's Day!!) Also contact ladyj1210@hotmail.com for additional info.

Wanna Get Stripped?

2006-10-26T20:13:00.000-05:00

Tour Dates

2006-09-12T07:47:00.000-05:00

These are my upcoming tentative tour dates for Stripped. Check ya listings, see if I'm coming to a town near you! More dates will be added soon. If you would like to see me in your city, request me at your local bookstore:

November 5: Mondawmin Mall, Baltimore

November 11: Temple University, Philly

November 24: Virginia Waldenbooks or Philly Waldenbooks (If these dates are changed in the near future look for me in either Kings Plaza, Brooklyn or Green Acres Mall, Queens) December 23: Source of Knowledge, New Jersey

Tired Nigga Blues

2006-09-04T11:10:00.000-05:00

As I'm walking away shakin my head
My mind is runnin over the things you just said
Them clown ass lines you just
dropped on me
Made me nauseas, sick to my stomach
and personally
I know you can't handle a damn thing I got
Not a word that I say,
None of the lines that I drop
You're pathetic
Tired
a lame nigga, you see
It takes a lot more than good looks
to get anywhere near me
Come to think of it
you ain't all that anyway
Last week's haircut
Yesterday's clothes
And you're how old you say?
I'm not interested, kid
Just in case you ain't hear me the first time
You ain't got two nickels to rub together
and I'm more than a dime
No, my name ain't "yo"
And no, you can't take me home
No, you can't get my number
and I don't want your dro
No I didn't used to chill with so and so
So you know me from somewhere?
That's why I don't go there no more
I'm so sick of the tired Shit I hear
When I walk past
Exactly why the only thing you'll ever kiss on me
is my ass

Copyright © 2006 JackithaRippa
All rights reserved

Just Popping In To Say...

2006-09-04T10:32:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you've all heard by now but in case you didn't, here's the sad news, I'll try to get in a picture:

THE Crocodile Man, Steve Irwin, is dead. He was killed in a freak accident in Cairns, police sources said. It is understood he was killed by a sting-ray barb that went through his chest.

The barb apparently went into his heart. He was swimming off the Low Isles at Port Douglas filming an underwater documentary when the tragedy occurred.
The Queensland Ambulance Service (QAS) was called about 11am (AEST) and an emergency services helicopter was flown to the crew's boat on Batt Reef, off the coast near Cairns, with a doctor and emergency services paramedic on board.
Irwin had a puncture wound to the left side of his chest and was pronounced dead at the scene. Fellow Australian wildlife filmmaker Dave Ireland, who confessed he and Irwin had never met, said stingray barbs were "as deadly as a rifle bayonet" (see report here).
Irwin's body was being flown to Cairns. It was believed his American-born wife Terri was trekking on Cradle Mountain in Tasmania and had yet to be told of her husband's death.
The Irwins have two children - a daughter, Bindi Sue Irwin, eight, and a three-year-old son, Robert (Bob) Clarence Irwin.
Steve Irwin - known worldwide as the Crocodile Hunter - is famous for his enthusiasm for wildlife and his catchcry "Crikey!".
In an sad twist, it has been reported that his new documentary was aimed at demystifying the stingray.

(Source: news.com.au)
With The Courier Mail and AAP

On The Come Up

2006-08-25T09:20:00.000-05:00

I have missed ya'll so so so much it's not even funny. I know I've been neglectin my online family and quite a few of ya'll have called me on it. So here's to you AnnaMaria, Pinta, Eldred, Mikey, Lil Joe, Big Joe, NaNa, Tamika, and Dovan. Thanks for keeping my ass in check. Before I get started on the updates I just wanted to go through the news right quick and pull up some headlines that caught my eye.

In The News

Boulder, Colo. - John Mark Karr's brother insisted Friday that Karr did not kill JonBenet Ramsey. "Absolutely not. Emphatically. Without a doubt," Nate Karr said in a television interview.
Karr told ABC's "Good Morning America" he was certain his brother spent Christmas 1996, when JonBenet was slain, with his family.
"Well I can say almost without question that from the time that John had children he has never missed a Christmas with his family, and that's any Christmas," said Karr, who appeared on the show with his father, Wexford Karr. (Source: Associatd Press)

Well now. Neither am I a lawyer, nor a forensice detective, in fact I'm not even interested in this case. But when you look like this I must say it's rather hard to eliminate you as a suspect, no? Besides the fact that I thought we were so done with this case. I mean really. Why can't we just-oh yeah, I forgot about the whole rich white kid thing. My bad.

Prague, Czech Republic - Scientists from around the world on Thursday approved a new definition of a planet, downgrading Pluto's status to leave just eight classical planets.
After a heated debate, 2,500 scientists and astronomers voted at the International Astronomers Union General Assembly that Pluto, which has been called a planet since being discovered in 1930, would be put into a category of planets called "dwarf planets." (Source: Reuters)

When there are starving children, homeless people and Britney Spears to worry about why do we care about the status of "Pizza" in the planetary acronym? I mean don't we have anything else to do with our time, like cure AIDS or somthing? Be for real. We'll see what the sun has to say about this.

Rochester, N.Y. - An SUV driven by an 89-year-old man plowed into pedestrians and vendors at an open-air public market Thursday, injuring 10 people.
Police said Bernard Newmark was looking for a specific vendor at the Rochester Public Market when his foot slipped off the brake pedal and hit the accelerator, sending the vehicle through at least eight food stalls and into a shed.

This is EXACTLY why when I become President, old folks will be off the roads and in homes. No one over fifty should be driving because crap like this is intolerable. My favorite part of the story is the "no charges have been filed". Tha'ts just great. Let it have been a 25-year-old and he'd be getting charges pressed out of his ass. Now I have to watch my back for octegenarians who can neither see nor obey the laws of the road.

I'm done ranting. On to the good news. I didn't want to leak it yet, but a very wonderful lady has invited me out for what I think is going to be my first tour date for Stripped; Baltimore, Maryland. (What up B-Morrrrrre!!! Or as Wendy would say, how you doin?) As soon as the details become less sketchy, I will mos def hook ya'll up with any and all info. Don't forget Stripped is available for pre-order here.

I love you, my man is calling and and I'm type hungry, so I'm out.

Update

2006-08-01T17:51:00.000-05:00

FYI: To all my faithful, dedicated, loyal readers and friends, Stripped will be available for pre-order on amazon.com within a week or so! Please tell a friend, a loved one, a hater, whoever!

Update

2006-07-28T07:01:00.000-05:00

So I've received all your emails and chirps and sh*t about the cover. THANK YOU!!! I love it too. I was damn near drooling when Lacey shot it over. She was just as excited, you should have heard us squealing like high schoolers.

The Book Fair went well, when I'm established next year I'll much more likely have a larger part in it. But I did enjoy the scene. I met a few new authors, a few old ones, and made what I hope will be some good industry connections.

My ankle (why do I feel like I've spelled that wrong) is freakin killing me.
As is the heat.

Happy Berfday Ron, Trevor, Princess and Tah.

I am starving so let me go cash my check and hit up some grub. One.

I'm Jacki Simmons, Bitch!

2006-07-21T10:31:00.000-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a cover.
This is the face of Caiza Bell; my baby got a face! I love it so much. I didn't have a clue how it was going to come out before and when Lacey called me up at like 10 in the morning to break the good news, she almost died of excitement and when I saw it, I had my foot in the grave as well. So I will be seeing you all very soon... tomorrow to be exact. My freakin phone is off so don't expect to call me but feel free to drop a line on here, MySpace or my email. Talk to ya'll soon.

Summer, Summer, Summer Time

2006-07-11T07:27:00.000-05:00

Now that its begun to actually get hot (not like I'm complaining because I would much rather take the cold over this sh*t anyday) there are a few things that I've notcied that simply MUST be addressed before the summer wears on. I'm going to count down offenses from ten.

Number10: It is NEVER okay to leave the house without applying a layer of moisturizer. Especially if you are a member of the NODBAS. (Nation of Darker Brothers and Sisters, a fancy as acronym for Black.) Ash is neither sexy nor attractive. You cannot holla when your hands are looking like you were mixing together the Colonel's 13 herbs and spices.
Number 9: Sistas, I know some of us like to put them extensions in our hair for the summer so we can cut down on the costs of weekly (or bi-weekly if you're lazy/broke) salon visits. Fine, well and good. You CANNOT act like the hair piece you've been rockin since Kennedy was President is ever going to come back in style. If you've been wearing the same braids now in July that you were wearing when Hurricane Katrina hit, you may want to rethink coming out of the house.
Number 8: Again, sistas, wearing clothes that were too small for your baby sister when you bought them is NOT COOL. You will find that a strange phenomena occurs when you wear loose our fitted clothing. You actually feel cooler than you do when everything is clinging to your body. Why do you think Africans don't sweat in their dashikis?
Number 7: Brothas, now is the time to clean up that credit and get up on that child support and get your money right. How you gone call yourself a "pimp" or "gangsta" when you holla'in at me from the backseat of your homies ride? That is not what's poppin, its really not.
Number 6: Coordination is a must. Just because Pay/Half, Payless, SavMart and Easy Pickins are having sales at the same time does not make it alright for you to grab something of the same shade from each store and try to pass it off as a complete outfit. 32 different shades of turqouise is never a good look, no matter who says so. Matching and coordinating are two very different things.
Number 5: To my happy homos (yeah, I gotta get ya'll in there too) No One Wants to lok upon your nakedness. At all. Ever.
Number 4: Just because it's 70/80/90 degrees outside doesn't mean you are going to die. Put on a damn bra, put on some damn drawls, and put on some damn common sense. If you could afford that Gucci wristwatch you're wearing in the extreme heat, you can afford a GE AC from the nearest Best Buy.
Number 3: Summertime doesn't make it okay for your kids to lose structure. Your children do not need to be in the street at 3:30 in the morning. Send they ass to bed, make sure they're asleep and then if you wanna come outside and smoke and drink on the stoop for a little while, knock yourself out.
Number 2: Speaking of stoops, if you happen to live in a certain neighborhood where there are two parks complete with tracks and basketball courts within walking distance of your block, then YOUR BLOCK DOES NOT COUNT AS A PARK. It is ghetto as hell to be barbecuing on the front steps of an apartment building. There are no backyards, no pools, no trees, jsut asphalt and vehicular exhaust.
Number 1: You all knew it was coming, you were jsut waiting for it. The Number One offense, as it is every summer, is the complete and total disregard for personal hygiene. Brothas, a little Irish Spring goes a long way. Sistas, a little Summer's Eve goes a long way. Wash that ass before leaving the house. And if you come outside one more 'gin with your feet looking like you lost your boots in WWII and had to trek 300 miles through Russian snow and tin cans to get to the rendesvous point for your squadron, I swear I will hurt you. Corns, bunions and hammertoes are not acceptable footwear. How could you, how could you bring yourself to slide your feet into three hundred dollar Manolos when every one of your toes has a wart on it as if its name were Nanny McPhee? If you can afford those, you can afford a podiatrist!

That will conclude our broadcast day. Follow these tips closely, because I'll be watching.

Bubblegum and It's Poppin

2006-07-04T20:10:00.000-05:00

I'm back my peoplez. So since I'm not going to be able to hit you up for the next few days (busy busy):
-Happy Independence Day
-Hapy Berfday to Keishia, Donna J, Victor, and Neesey.
-I am going to be seriously brainstorming for the next couple of weeks because I need to come up with a promotional package (aka The Jacki Simmons Experience) before the book fair. Which is at the end of the month. I'm very worried. I have an idea of what I want to do but ya'll know how I like to scrap my ideas very often.
-And Moni, I finally tried your chicken/potato/corn foolishness bowl from KFC. Let me just say... I knew I was going to be sick, and I was. I've never had to eat anything that bad in my life. I was beyond nauseated... I'm sorry!!!
-For those of you with the Chirp number, may I remind you that none of ya'll are TI and "when I chirp, shawty chirp back" is not our group motto. I work nights, so I will not be answering you. If you hit me during the day I will (read: might) get back to you in order of importance. YEAH, I SAID IT.
-November 8th is our TENTATIVE release date, it will be worked out in the near future, just keep spreading the word and lettin everybody know lil mama is almost ready to drop.

See ya soon.

Happy Anniversary

2006-07-04T07:20:00.000-05:00

It has officially been the one year anniversary of Real Talk.
We've come quite a long way, breakups and makeups, anger and happiness, joy and pain... It's crazy how much has gone down since July 4th 2005. (Oh yeah, and Happy Independence Day) My very first post was two hours fresh out of the swimming pool at my in-laws place. Now I'm in a whole nother world and sheesh, things have changed.
(But I have to dip out of here really quick cuz I need to sleep before work so I will lengthen this post a lil later.)

HEY!!!

2006-06-30T10:16:00.000-05:00

It's fitt'na be da weekend so I had to make sure I got you guys a weekend update. My life as follows:
Friday afternoon: Deposit check, sleep before work.
Friday night: Got to work. BS around for a couple of hours since I already got my check for this
week.
Saturday morning: Go to rescheduled hair appointment; basketball game; shopping for a fitted.
Saturday night: Hasn't been negotiated yet.
Sunday morning: Wake my ass up and travel ten miles out of my way at nine o' f*cking clock in the morning for a mandatory meeting that includes receiving associates. (aka ME)
Sunday afternoon: Business meeting with Lacey at three pm.
Sunday evening: Gettin jiggy to go chill with my homegirl because her and her long time "friend" have finally made it official.

So as you see, I'm going to be quite busy so if it's not super important, please don't call, text, email, or otherwise bother me until Monday morning. Happy early Independence Day. Am I going to see the fireworks? Yes I am.

Just Popping In To Say...

2006-06-28T07:40:00.000-05:00

RIP Eddie

If you recall, Eddie (real name Moose) played Martin Crane's loveable dog on the long running series (and one of my all time favorite shows) Frasier.

Just Popping In To Say...

2006-06-24T11:02:00.000-05:00

RIP Pierce Marshall (son of Anna Nicole Smith's late husband)
Patty Ramsey (JonBenet Ramsey's mother)
Aaron Spelling (Tori Spelling's father)
Claydes Charles Smith (guitarist of Kool and the Gang)

As the list is so long today I will not be posting pictures.

Posion Ivy by Travis Fox

2006-06-19T09:43:00.000-05:00

For those of you who have been there since the very beginning when Batman references were very scarce, here is a chance to rejoice. Poison Ivy is finally available for pre-order before its release in November. Please click the link and get ya order on! Support a black author, niggas.
As far as my own damn book, sheesh, I'm promotin more of his sh*t than my own, lol. Anywho, I will give the details as they are available to me. Just keep reppin me and all that good stuff.

What Kinda Foolishness?

2006-06-18T23:22:00.000-05:00

The original purpose of the prom was your coming out party. You were to find that high school mate and run away together as soon as the two of you graduated; settle down like the Suzy Homemaker your mother was and live happily ever ater. Whether or not your husband became a drunk after the birth of your second child lay solely on your shoulders.
I'm all for kids enjoying that one last night with people they may never see again. But this is taking it a bit far:

and there's more...

(see the rest at Crunk+Disorderly) This sh*t disturbs me. Why does the chick in the top look like she is auditioning for the Fanta Girls? This is exactly why I'm glad I missed my prom. Yes, you heard me: I'm glad I missed my prom. I stayed home of my own volition. There was no way I was going to spend four hours in a crowded room with people I didn't want to see ever again. And no liquor? Were they kidding?
Our (their) prom was at some hotel in the Bronx from 8-12. And again, no liquor. So basically it was a birthday party. A prom is from 8 until. A birthday party ends at midnight. It's like my cousin Nieta had her Sweet Sixteen and since she can't drink alcohol yet she's taking pictures with her mother's half empty bottle of Corona but she's not actually drinking it because she wants to look cool when she shows the pictures to her not-so-cool friends at school who were not invited becuase there wasn't enough space in Uncle Flaco's yard to house all fifty-six of her rowdy ass classmates.
As you can see, I'm not actually concerned with the prom at all, just with the lack of spirits. How is one supposed to enjoy themselves when there is no wet bar? I've enver gone anywhere where I couldn't immediately go in the corner and say the words "Bartender, make me a..." My mother's wedding? twsited. Moni's wedding? Twisted. If my godbrother ever actually sits down and marries that cow? Mad twisted for the announcement and super twisted for the actual ceremony.
I can't wait for my daughters/sons prom. They're gonna be fly as hell, to be sure, but they're gonna be classy as well. If my son goes to the shop and pulls down some sh*t that's gonna have him lookin like Deion Sanders, I'm gonna pimp slap him and make him put it back. And likewise, if my daughter tries to play herself and come out looking like the second coming of Lil Kim, she's gonna get a "hell to the naw" and a oops upside her head.
Gem for the evening: When you do it, do it right, peoples.

Miscellaneous Thoughts, Early Morning Celebrity Edition 3

2006-06-18T07:07:00.000-05:00

Now that Jacob the Jeweler has been outed, can any of us say we were really surprised? I mean come on, his number one clients are "ex" hustlers. When you make close personal friends with Jay-Z, Lil Wayne and Lil Kim, there is definitely more going on than just diamond setting. And it was always my dream to get some Jacob ice... Damn.

Does Britney Spears' second pregancy count as cruel and unusual punishment for the rest of us? Do the words "unfit parent" mean anything to you? If she keeps going like this, she'll be tied with Kelly Ripa for most pregnancies in a single year. Poor you, Kevin. That money can't go to your "Keep Me A Wannabe Nigga" fund. I see even more Similac and Huggies in your future, pal...

So Mo'Nique confessed to us that she and her new husband have an open marriage. Is she afraid that that's the only way a man will love her, is if she lets him sleep with other women? I'm sure this method would have worked for Halle Berry but Mo, I thought you had way more respect for yourself, sis.

The Barely Entertaining Television Awards are going to be three hours long agan this year. Guess who's opening? You got it, Beyonce. As if we're not tired of seeing her by now. No, of course not. We can handle yet another over weaved, over dyed, ovverrated dose of Ms. B. Like the new song, though. Looks like te only reason tow atch (as usual) is going to be the host.

Nick Cannon is worried about his alleged sex tape getting out. What for? Methinks thou should be more worried about your album getting out, buddy.

Jay-Z banned Cristal form his club after a few offensive statements were made regarding the frivolous mentions of the popular liquor in various hip hop songs. Good for you, Hov. (Let me clarify, if you did hear the statements, they were not amde by the company owner. They were made by a reporter and incorrectly tributed to him.) But honestly, does it matter? Champagne is for people who can't handle real liquor anyway. Ovverrated and insanely expensive ginger ale. Now if he banned Johnnie W., we might have us a problem Jigga. And shouldn't he be busy endorsing Armandale anyway?

Now I'm pissed that I'm missing the second season of Run's House, so could somebody Fill Me In (sings like Craig David) please? All I know is that Justine is pregnant (as if they are trying to make an expansion team or something because there is already like 50eleven of them niggas) and they are writing that into the show.

Josh Lucas (who you may rememeber from the recent bad remake of The Poseidon Adventure) is tired of being single. Well maybe you want to do something about that face, bro. He claims Hollywood is the reason behind his loneliness and that he is so busy making movies that he can't settle down. Nigga, do you even have an IMDB page? As I recall, you don't have to take the roles, dumb dumb.

If you know me at all, you know I love Sandra Bullock. But THIS is taking it too far. WHy in Satan's red hell do people wait so long? Are you trying to let death raise your children? WTF? There was nothing wrong with your ovaries ten years ago when normal humans usually have kids. Oh wait, I forgot... White folks have that "enjoy life" thing. They wait until they become nonagenarians before they enjoy parenthood. By the time their kids make it to twenty-five, they're dead. I wish I would call myself getting pregnant at 40.

Is anyone elese going to see Waist Deep solely for Tyrese? I thought so. That Meagen Good never quite did it for me. She is very attractive, to be sure. But the acting skills... She's the same in every movie I've ever seen her in. (These by the way: Biker Boyz, You Got Served, yes I did go see that sh*t, and Roll Bounce.) I hope this is her breakout role or something because she needs a hit and bad.

Who the f*ck is Gucci Mane?

Funniest Blog of the Moment: Nah Right

I'll be back in a lil bit, goin to chill wit my shorty for a lil minute today. See ya'll when I see and don't do nothin I wouldn't do, aight? Stay up.

Happy Daddy Day!!

2006-06-18T06:55:00.000-05:00

You know I always have to kill the spirit with something to think about so the following is (I'm not sure how true it is so don't fault me) the story behind Father's Day:

Mrs. John B. Dodd, of Washington, first proposed the idea of a "father's day" in 1909. Mrs. Dodd wanted a special day to honor her father, William Smart. William Smart, a Civil War veteran, was widowed when his wife (Mrs. Dodd's mother) died in childbirth with their sixth child. Mr. Smart was left to raise the newborn and his other five children by himself on a rural farm in eastern Washington state. It was after Mrs. Dodd became an adult that she realized the strength and selflessness her father had shown in raising his children as a single parent.
The first Father's Day was observed on June 19, 1910 in Spokane Washington. At about the same time in various towns and cities across American other people were beginning to celebrate a "father's day." In 1924 President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea of a national Father's Day. Finally in 1966 President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the 3rd Sunday of June as Father's Day.

Father's Day has become a day to not only honor your father, but all men who act as a father figure. Stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers, and adult male friends are all honored on Father's Day.

So cheers to you guys: Mike (xoxo) Tah, Tony, G, Nikki, Doddy, Michael B., Michael K. and Michael F., Rich, Mookie, Pooch, Tea, Chaz, Jimmy, Renaldo, Xavier, Harold, Ed, Eddie, Donovan, Grant, Piff, Jodell, Lil JuJu and Scrap. Whew! Enjoy your day, guys.

Baby I'm Back

2006-06-12T06:50:00.000-05:00

Guess who's getting out early for good behavior?

None other than La Bella Mafia in the freakin flesh. Yeah, I couldn't believe it my damn self. I had to check up on all the local hot spots to see if it were true. I only believe half of what I see and none of what I hear so this is going to be quite interesting come the 4th of July. Oh here come the fireworks...

Please Don't Let Me Forget

2006-06-12T00:41:00.000-05:00

Real quick... I don't remember if I said this already but, if you plan on attending the HBF (Harlem Book Fair) with me and the crew this year, just remember that we are renting a car, and there are three seats left. It's on July 22, 206. That means there is a month for you to make up your minds. (And a month for you to help me figure out what goes into the Jacki Simons Experience Package...)

Sigh...

2006-06-12T00:33:00.000-05:00

Now as you all know, I am against gays but I am also against gay bashing, the violent type. But Judas H. Priest...

Singer Kevin Aviance Beaten in NYC

A singer whose songs have topped the Billboard dance chart was attacked by a group yelling anti-gay slurs, and four people were arrested on hate-crime charges, police and his publicist said.

Kevin Aviance, 38, underwent surgery for a broken jaw after the attack Saturday, said his publicist, Len Evans. Police said the singer, whose song "Alive" hit the top of the chart in 2002, was in stable condition.

A group of six or seven men attacked Aviance early Saturday, and passers-by did not stop to help as they threw objects at him, Evans said.

Four people were arrested on charges of first-degree assault as a hate crime, police said. They were identified as Jarell Sears and Akino George, both 20; Gregory Archie, 18; and Gerard Johnson, 16.

Aviance performs in drag but was "dressed like a boy" when he was attacked, Evans said. He had planned to take part in next week's Gay Pride parade and festivities, but will now be unable to perform, the publicist said.

Other popular songs by the singer have included "Give It Up," released in 2004, and "Din Da Da," which topped the Billboard dance chart in 1997.

One of these days... Just one of these hap-happy days...

See What Had Happened Was...

2006-06-11T23:09:00.000-05:00

Damn, I'm almost ashamed to be posting. What has it been, like a week and change? WOW... Ten days Tah has just informed me... Sorry about that. I haven't been getting much sleep in the day time. I don't understand why people can't give you the consideration you give them when it's time for them to be asleep. I get home from work, I want to crash, man. I don't want to have conversations and smile and be cordial and sh*t. I want to strip down and sleep like there's no tomorrow. Albeit what with my hours, tomorrow is technically today since I come home and go back to work in the same day...Does that make sense? Okay, good.
Heard from Lacey few days ago. We're meeting up for a power lunch in the next couple of weeks to discuss important angles the book is going in. The irony of it was that I was just on my way to ask how she was and when we were meeting up when I opened the email. I'm looking forward to it, so far I have a few good ideas that I want to throw her way and being as she's been in the game a bit longer than I have, I'm sure she can bounce a few suggesstions off me. Should be interesting. And then the book club that introduced me to the wide world of literary art is having a meet and greet with some of the familiar members. Can one of my New Yorkers scope out Dave and Buster's for me?
OH! Monica, I finalyl know that American Eagle store we were talking about waaaaaaaay back. The girls and I went on an all day escapade and I bumped into it on 34th street. I swear, I never heard of the place before you said something. How finals and all that coming along? And your mini vacation? Keep me posted.
Sidebar: Don't you just hate it when somebody says I'm gonna pay you back when I get my check and all of a sudden, they're no longer on the weekly pay roster or something? Hmm...
So Babies R Us is decent. It's a lot of work and a lot of patience and a lot of bullsh*t, but I could really care less about all that seeing as I get paid every week. I've been spending my checks like water up until now, but I realize I have to start saving and doing the adult thing.
I've now got rent to pay, a car to buy, a man to think about, bills; sh*t like that makes me wish I were back in eighth grade when the least of my problems was figuring out whether or not Sammy Gleason was serious when he sent that "Do you like me? Yes, No, Maybe" letter on Tuesday. I quit smoking and after a week there got right back on it so what does that tell you? But I have improved, I've gone from longs to shorts. I'm not sure how long that's going to last, but still...It's an improvement, damnit.
Funny story: There was no truck Thursday night and our HR Supervisor was locked in with us (yes, the overnight crew gets locked in). Let me tell you, the nights when a truck doesn't come in are some of the most boring nights we will ever have. Once the enitre store is handled, there is literally othing to do but stand around. It's boring as sh*t. I had given my supervisor, who we'll call Sara, a perm in her office an hour earlier and it came out looking pretty good. I was shocked and amazed at my own damn self. So we're in the breakroom lounging and loafing when ya girl has a brilliant idea: Hey, we should play some double dutch. Here's how it goes down:
S: Ya'll got any rope in the stockroom?
J: (that question is directed at me since the apparel stockroom is my turf) Not really rope, more like twine. But I don't think it's thick enough.
M: We could double it up.
J: Yeah, but there's not enough so we would end up with a rope that's too short.
All: Hmm...
S: What about the phone cords?
(We all look...)
So to make a hour long story short, we unhooked the phone cords in the breakroom and the stockroom and jumped double dutch for the duration of our break. Say it with me: RECKLESS. It was the sh*t, we even got the guys to jump with us. I wondered come Friday night whether or not we would have jobs. One of my fellow coworkers politely pointed out that we were on our break and while there is a clause against personal calls, sex, and cell phones, there is nothing that says we can't jump double dutch. She makes a very valid point.
(Another sidebar: Why in the hell does Fatboy wait until the middle of the night to get active, chasing around a piece of ripped paper like it's the goddamn riddle to crack the Da Vinci Code or something?)
Speaking of which, my girlfriends and I went to see The Da Vinci Code last week and let me be te first to tell you, the critics are not always rght. It seems to me that the ones with the most problems were the ones who obviously didn't read the book, as with A Series of Unfortunate Events.
(Yet another sidebar: I'm having a bangin ass birthday party this year. I'm planning it right now, no lie. I think after the sucky year I had last year and the year this is turning out to be, I deserve that sh*t, don't you? Yes, please let me know if your asses plan on attending so I can get the guest list ready now. You know my cell, you know my chirp, you know my email... Hit me up so we can do the damn thing.)

Peace for now.

Update

2006-06-02T15:35:00.000-05:00

¿Qué se está encendiendo, mi familia? (And for the language impaired): Wassup my peoples!!?? Ya girl is back in full effect, ya heard me? Honey Dip is back on her grind again, and I got my swagger back, big time. I know, it's kinda hard to believe, after ll that sh*t I put ya'll through with the depression, I promise I won't do that again. I'm on my MON sh*t big time, so you ain't never gone hear about lil mama cryin over some nigga that ain't payin her rent. Ya'll know that ain't my steelo and that sh*t was not a good look.
So what's goin on? I missed ya'll and I know ya'll missed the regular posts and all that. Since I'm working the graveyard shift (if you ain't know, now you know, Monday through Friday; 10pm-6am) I'm going to try and post at least once a week and keep ya'll up on what's going on in the world of HD.
I'm making some changes in my life, big time business moves. Yes, it does have something to so with The D Word. No I can't tell you about it here. If you give me a call or leave me a message I'll get back to you and tell you what's good. I said I quit smoking... Yeah that lasted about three days. Then I got right back stressed out again. I realize that the cold turkey thing is not going to work. I'm going to have to wean myself off one day at a time. And for me, not because everyone else keeps saying 'girl, you gotta quit smoking.' I must say I really do appreciate you guys support though. Ya'll have been real with me and I need that in my life, feel me?
Annnnnnywho... I'm fittin'a hop in the shower and wash my ass before I go... ahem... go to work... I'll get at ya'll in a little bit.
Do me a favor and show me some love on the Myspace tip? Thanx. Click the link, geniuses.

Miscellaneous Thoughts-Celebrity Edition 2, Happy Memorial Day

2006-05-29T21:20:00.000-05:00

So does it strike anyone else as odd that since their recent addition to the country of G-Unit, MOP are the only citizens that have yet to release an album or at the very least a single? I mean come on, Olivia (albeit the fact that she's Fifty's b*tch) is getting airplay. COME ON!!!

If D4L, Rick Ross, Webbie, and Dem Franchize Boyz are his competition, TI truly is the King of the South.

Speaking of the South, Sammie is still alive. Whoda thunk.

Shockingly, Killa Season is actually a pretty decent album.

As is Mobb Deep's Blood Money. Actually, that album is dope as hell, I'm seriously understating. It's not the same slick lyrics and fire lines, and at times the G-Unit presence can be a little heavy, but overall, it's pretty good. (Cocaine in the pot, baking soda, water hot, when the ice cubes drop, look at that, that's crack!)

Now Ray J's first song, One Wish, blew harder than Paris Hilton on videotape in a rented hotel room. But his latest effort, What I Need, is pretty decent. I mean, his voice still sounds weaker than a cup of watery McDonalds coffee (not that I drink it) but the beat and the lyrics flow pretty well together. Not the video so much because I'm not really a fan of birdchests but you all know how that goes.

After watching that new Pepsi commerical, I am sure it is long overdue for Mariah's next breakdown.

Speaking of breakdown, Beyonce is doin the damn thng but is anyone else worried about her mental state? The girl is working overtime. And since she's only "23" eventually, isn't all that jetting about going to get her down?

Did anyone watch Oprah's Legends Ball? I'm pleasantly shocked to report there were actually black people present.

Does anyone still listen to the Dixie Chicks?

I want to be divorced the way Kimora and Russell are.

Juelz Santana will be opening a soda shop in my neck of the woods. Okay, technically TwoFifth ain't my neck of the woods but I'm close enough and its still in Harlem. So there. Every other borough gets to claim niggas so I'm stakin out. This is in addition to his new clothing line and the clothing store he already owns up the block from me called Santana's Town.

Why is everyone acting like Janet Jackson did something special to lose all that weight? "I ate less and exercised more." Oh my God, there is another way?!

Seeing as I am extremely unhappy with the turn of evnets of the Season Finale of American Idol, I am not going to comment on Taylor the Hick. Alls I am going to say is "Ladies and gentlemen, start your Geritol."

How do you name what is going to be undoubtedly the finest baby in the world after a damn dog?

Word has it that there is some trouble in the Jones/Reynolds camp. Now I am not one for the breaking up of marriages, not me at all, but I am against...well, you know. Dane Cook says it best...

Signing off for the evening. I hope ya'll enjoyed your holiday as much as I did bitches. If you like, you can email me, I'm available, and I will answer you back in a day or so. Feel free to give me a call, NO TEXT MESSAGES PLEASE.

...And The Tears Keep Rolling Down My Face

2006-05-29T21:04:00.000-05:00

Paris Hilton says her upcoming album will be a mix of reggae, pop and hip-hop, with the first single being a reggae song called "Stars Are Blind."
Hilton will also do a remake of the Rod Stewart song "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?," she was quoted as saying in the June issue of Hong Kong magazine Prestige.
"The whole album has so much different music on it. I like all music. It's not like I only like pop or only rock. I want to have something for everybody," Hilton said.
Hilton said she wrote the lyrics to seven of her songs. The article didn't say how many songs are on the album.
She said she had to overcome shyness to become a singer.

"I have always had a voice and always known I could sing, but I was too shy to let it come out. I think that is the hardest thing you can do, to sing in front of people. When I finally let go and did it, I realized it is what I am most talented at and what I love to do the most," Hilton said.
Prestige reported the single, "Stars Are Blind," will be released this month by Warner Records and her own label Heiress Records, followed by a full album later this year.

Tick, tock, tick, tock...Okay, now music is officially /\/\/\/\/\/\____________________ dead.

In other hip hop news, apparently Diddy can't get enough of himself. He is planning to launch a new reality dance-that's right, Diddy and dance in the same sentence and the same room-show to air on MTV. If I'm not mistaken, J.Lo should be hanging around somewhere... I guess "I thought I told you that we won't stop" was an omen.

Just Popping In To Say...

2006-05-29T20:54:00.000-05:00

RIP Paul Gleason 1944-2006
Best known for his work as Principal Richard Vernon in The Breakfast Club, Gleason died from a rare form of lung cancer yesterday at Providence Saint Joseph Medical Center in Burbank, California. He was 67.

yet another random jim jones post

2006-05-29T02:07:00.000-05:00

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah i love that nigga :) hi BabyD :)

Dude, Where's My Car?

2006-05-29T01:39:00.000-05:00

So I'm up tonight watching Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle. Let (okay, I'm switching to the no punctuation mode) me just tell you that this has got to be one of the funniest things ive ever seen in my life. i am over here dying right now, this has got to be the most retarded thing ive ever seen. and you have to be stoned to watch it, too, and im talking that extra potent piff that puts you to sleep in an hour. that kind. ive got a white owl sitting around my room somewhere...

ive been writing, the d word is coming along quite well. thanks for asking. my new album is mobb deeps blood money.

the new joke is "this is so extreme."

ive been a super shopaholic for the past few weeks. ive bought shoes, food, tee shirts, music, hair care products, mostly food though, paid for gas, bought white tees, its really sad. im paying everything off on time and all that, its just very cool having a card that you can pay off later and buy sh*t now. and since i get aid every week im not really too worried about all that debt sh*t. as you can probably tell, im super drunk so im going to end this post but i just want ya'll to know that (in the indelible words of Lenny Williams) i loooooooooooooooooooove youuuuuuuuuuu. :)

Shut Up, B*tch

2006-05-27T21:38:00.000-05:00

So I figured its time for me to break my posting hiatus and cough up my two cents regarding Madonna and her recent "performance." I didn't see the concert but I'm hearing that she appeared on stage on a giant cross as if she were being crucified. Apparently the church really did want to crucify her afterwards.
PEOPLE, let's remember that Madonna and her career (although I love old girl to pieces) are one big publicity stunt. Why are we acting like anything she does still shocks us? And then again, the church hasn't exactly liked Madonna since her "Like A Prayer" days, remember? Either love her, or leave her alone.

Branjelina gave birth to a baby girl, insanely dubbed Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. Gwen Stefani followed suit, ending her ninteen month pregnancy by giving birth to a baby boy, Kingston James McGregor Rossdale. Therapy anyone? Can we all let go of that collective breath we've been holding?

Honey Dip

2006-05-23T16:37:00.000-05:00

Honey Dip is back in rare form, folks. Okay, maybe not rare form, but I made it out of the bed and managed to have a productive week. I did my hair, went shopping, going to get inked on Friday or Saturday; Saturday I think though, because then I can pay my phone bill at the same time as I'm on the way there. Remind me to buy a book of bus tickets and an unlimited MetroCard. Thanks.
Now that I'm trying to make myself feel better mentally, I'm feeling sucky physically. I was in Delaware with my homies the other day and when I got back I had sh*t coming out of every oraface (spell check) on my body. It was so gross.
And I gotta pay my phone bill.
AND I lost my iPod. I don't remember if I left it here or in Delaware though.
And I dropped seventy bucks in between the two places as well.
And I quit smoking. (Happy BabyD?) Not because it was killing me, no f*ck that but because it was getting expensive. So as soon as I can afford it, I'll probaly be right back on that. I couldn't give two sh*ts about the iPod, I can always get another one, its the money I'm pissed about. That sh*t was how I was getting to work this week. Bummer, man.
So as soon as I get over this cold, I'll be back to normal. I'll be making calls to you loverly people as soon as I cut my phone back on. Til then, ta ta.

And I met a guy. :)

Update

2006-05-09T11:52:00.000-05:00

Another one bites the dust.
I guess I'm in a state of shock right now since I'm not as mad as I thought I would be. I don't even know what I thought I would be, I just know my mind is all scrambled right now and I've had "The Love We Had (Stays On My Mind)" on repeat for an hour. Of course, I haven't called to find out what was going on but in my present state, I'm not really hearing anything but my mind syaing "well, damn."

On a lighter note, I got my work schdule this week. I'll be out all day, so I won't be posting in the afternoon.

My stomach is in knots.
I hope this goes away soon.
Love you guys, peace.

If You Look In My Life And See What I've Seen

2006-05-07T22:49:00.000-05:00

I take back everything I've ever said about Lil Wayne.
I was bored as green ish the other day so I decided to peruse through the old Vibe Mag I had laying around. (Translation: You know you know you're gonna be in the bathroom for a good minute so you decide to take some entertainment in there with you?)
Last month's issue sat down and interviewed Weezy F. I was shocked and amazed by how real it was. Here I was expecting it to sound like every other interview: boring, repeptitive, and scripted. But I was wrong. He was real, as if he didn't give a damn that millions of people were going to be reading it. I hate it when people give those interviews and spend the entire time trying to cover things up. (Jeffrey Atkins, we know ALL your BI 'round here...)
He was open and honest and if you're trying to get to know a rapper and get down with his style, knowing what he is and what he's about is the first step. The kid had an interesting life. And he's come a long way since 11 years old. Who else is president of their own ish at 23 after starting out at 11? Give him his props, yes I did. So after I read the interview, I sat back down and listened to Tha Carter II with an open mind this time.
Pure fire.
And that's all I'm gonna say.

Miscellaneous Thoughts, God Gave Me Style Edition

2006-05-06T22:08:00.000-05:00

You ever have one of those days where you just feel so fly that you're in the mindset like "You can't touch me"? That's how I was feeling today. Mad sick of course, but I seen my shorty so that's all that really matters. And let me be the first to say there is still nothin sexier than a nigga in a wifebeater. *Sigh*

I've been extremely moody for the past couple of days, I don't know if it's PMS, I highly doubt it cuz that shit comes round whenver it feels like and I'm pretty much moody all the time. But it increased when the bi-excuse me, female dog in heat-jacked up my goddamn blow out. I like my hair to look a certain way when I come from the salon and having her destroy a 'do that could've been my ticket to an hour worth of "damn, I love myself" in the mirror was like having someone pour poision in my ears and watch it slosh around in my head. I really wanted to kill her, or say something nasty like "hey, shouldn't you be in DC rallying or something?" But that would've been evil.

I got an iPod. I don't feel like repeating this shit to ya'll when I'm on the phone so it's a black, 1G, 240 song iPod Nano that set me back a buck fifty. So if you ask me anything about it, I swear to god I will hang up on you. The first things to grace it were Diary of A Summer, The Massacre, What The Game's Been Missing and Dru Hill. After reading an article in last months Vibe I decided to give Weezy and Tha Carter II another, unbiased, chance. If it's any good, it will join the myriad of rap albums I uploaded.

Took my mama to The Olive Garden tonight. That was my first time in there, believe it or not. I'm stuffed and the niggaritis is still lingering. I wanted to unbuckle my belt and lay out right there on the spot, but I knew that would be some Ghetto Glenda shit. So I didn't.

Went shopping with my girl Dre yesterday. Between us, we shot through about four hundred dollars in the space of three hours. Whenever we get together, we end up going home with like a million bags. I didn't buy any shoes, that iPod was a real shot in the head, but I did get a bunch of other random shit. Bought shoes today though...

For all ye curious ones, I got the job. I sign the paperwork on Monday and become a fulltime worker by the end of the week. Please do not ask if you can borrow a dollar. Thanks for the support.

Random Jim Jones Post

2006-05-05T01:13:00.000-05:00

So I was just in one of those moods, listening to Diary of a Summer (yes, again) and I decided to lighten my mood by making a random Jim Jones post. I'm much better now, thank you for asking. Will be spending the day being a girl tomorrow, so no, don't call me.

Speaking of hip-hop, you ever have this one song you listen to that takes you way back in the day and when you hear it, it kind of rustles up bad memories? I'm now on my Jadakiss, listening to this joint called Still Feel Me. Back when this album was hot, I used to listen to it like ten times in a row. Hearing it again for the first time in two years makes me remember a lot of shit that happened from '04 to now.
Damn, memories are something else. I say bad memories because I was still with my douchebag ex back then. The album came out round the summer time and I copped it then, and we broke up shortly before winter. Smartest move I ever made. Then again, justifiable homicide would've been as well... Yes, it was that bad.

I feel all reminiscent now, like I'm taking a trip down Memory Lane and shit. I know I'm not that old so keep all the young jokes to yourselves. I find it dope that your mind stows things away and pulls them out of the fileroom later on in life. And the fact that these memories are triggered bby sight, smell or sound is also interesting. The shit I was thinking about would never have come back up if I hadn't played this album.
I wonder if I'm going to be depressed as blue fuck when I listen to Diary of a Summer later on this year. Hmm.

Hovering

2006-05-04T22:20:00.000-05:00

Ya'll know how I have those strange idiosyncrasies, right? One thing I cannot handle when I'm trying to work is that damn hovering. You could be reading, you could not. But the fact remains that I can't have anyone next to, near, by or around me when I work. I don't like having the unnerving feeling that someone is right over my shoulder. I really can't handle that.
I'm about to get into Empire (tentative) and I've got my R. Kelly going so I'm trying to get into my groove. But the kids are doing the late night clean up, because I'll be damned if I do it, before they go to bed. Back and forth, back and forth. To answer your question, DRMami, why I can't write when there's daylight, this is wh. Everyone has to be abed for me to be able to work. (BTW, I'm listening to TP-2, one of only two good albums by this guy, IMO.) If I'm in a better mood tomorrow, I'll post again.

Immigrants, Not Americans, Need To Adapt

2006-05-04T16:28:00.000-05:00

This is an editorial a Tampa man wrote and passed on. I received it from the Sister 2 Sister messageboard. Please read and forward all comments to my inbox.

Will we still be the Country of choice and still be America if we continue to make the changes forced on us by the people from other countries that came to live in America because it is the Country of Choice??????

Think about it! All we have to say is, when will they do something about MY
RIGHTS?

I celebrate Christmas...........but because it isn't celebrated by everyone..............we can no longer say Merry Christmas. Now it has to be Season's Greetings.

It's not Christmas vacation, it's Winter Break. Isn't it amazing how this winter break ALWAYS occurs over the Christmas holiday?

We've gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend anyone, that I am now being offended. But it seems that no one has a problem with that. This says it all!

IMMIGRANTS, NOT AMERICANS, MUST ADAPT. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However...... the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct! " crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.

I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America. Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants. However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand. This idea of America being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Americans...... we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language! "In God We Trust" is our national motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan.. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women.......on Christian principles........ founded this nation..... and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home.........because God is part of our culture.

If Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you every opportunity to do so! But once you are done complaining....... whining...... and griping....... about our flag....... our pledge...... our national motto........or our way of life....I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other Great American Freedom.....THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

Syndicated Incorporated

2006-05-02T02:02:00.000-05:00

That was a Weird Al reference, that title in case you were wondering. Look at me, caring again. Anywho, I'm sitting up eating leftovers right (macaroni and cheese and porkchops) and I'm flicking through the channels when I see George Carlin's comdedy special on HBO. It got me to thinking about the TV shows I missed. He was a star on one of them.

Remember this nigga?
I used to breathe Shining Time Station when I was a kid. I loved that show. And for the record, my favorite train was always the mean one, I think it was Gordon. That nigga had the only attitude! He stayed gettin on Thomas and them because he wanted the good jobs so he could show off. I remember the episode where he stole Thomas' cars and then got derailed and had to eat shit when they had to come save him. PURE COMEDY. And the Jukebox Band. *Tear.* And Stacy who like...never worked again...

And then there was this:

But the original though. Not this new shit they've got and it's not even educational anymore. I was flipping past and I had to go back and actually watch it for a minute because I was that dumbfounded. I'm lke get real, what happened to the real Sesame Street? They taught me how to read. And sing with Celia Cruz. What was doper than that? They taught us about death with Mr. Hooper, life with the birth of Gabby, and affirmitive action with the addition of Rosita (whom I can still do without.) And in case you were wondering, yes, Oscar is my favorite. I loved them. My second favorite was Kermit. Which brings me to:

Yes, I loved this show. I think Statler and Waldorf were the best. ('They're not half bad!" "Nope, they're all bad!") That big monster, Sweetums, scared the green and blue hell out of me, on a serious tip. That dude had me running for cover like my name was Basia. (Ya'll don't know nothin about that.) And then there was the Pigs in Space skit. Comedy. And the Flying Zucchinie Brothers...Awww man. Of course, Miss Piggy was my favorite. She was such a diva. Reminds me of someone I know...And best believe when they had Ashanti on there as Dorothy in the Muppets Wizard of Oz, I had me a front and center seat. And I will be copping the DVD come August 9th...On the most sensational inspirational celebrational Muppetational...

And of course, my all time favorite show when I was coming up:

A dedicated ChopHead. I loved her. And Charlie Horse. And Hush Puppy. They were so freakin cute. Except for the Big LambChop. She scared me. I think it was because she never talked. She was just there; she would appear out of this mist and just be there in all her six foot silent hugenes. I couldn't take that as an impressionable six year old. It was hard for me. You noticing a pattern here? I can't take that kind of monstrosity jumping out at me. I didn't like the monster in the Muppet Show, I didn't like Big LambChop, I'm steps from being a grown woman and I'm creeped by the Burger King guy...I just can't do it. (Future reference, I still don't do clowns.)

Moving right along to lighter things:

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor. I was pissed when he died, like seriously pissed! I swore by this guy in the early morning hours when there was naught to do but wait for my mama to get home from running some miscellaneous errand. I loved Trolley and the Land of Make-Believe. Tell me why it took me mad long to figure out the whole 'King Friday the XIII' thing. WOW...And his wife was his bitch, I swear! And remember Lady Elaine Fairchild? And Daniel? He was a serial killer in a past life, I'm sure of it. Too soft spoken for my tastes.

And who could forget?

The original though, not the one with that gay ass brother of his. The whole cast was perfect. I love it when we give inanimate objects human qualities. (Damnit what is the word for that?) Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper needed to tone it down with the coitus though. It was just them, then it was Paprika, and if I'm not mistaken, there's a Cinammon? My sources, please confirm said subject. Thank you. My two favorite episodes are the ones when Tickety-Tock sneezes her face off and when Green Dog knocks over Blue and Magenta's blocks and they have a fight, both freakin hysterical. That show is a wonder man. Up until they scrapped Steve and brought the Abomination aboard. Two thumbs down, Caeser.

(Last night, we had an argument, afterwards I'm feelin pretty bent, hmm) Sorry, listening to Dru Hill again. Don't mind me.

I'm about to go to a place I'm not sure very many of us recall ever being. If you're a member of this club, please don your jackets. If not, please take cover because its about to get hectic.

Do you remember Professor Iris? You do! O...D... I can't believe how old this shit is. They have the whole cast on that link. Remember Miss Principal? What was really hood with her hair? She used to have them two OD pigtails springing out the side of her head like a crack fiend. My mother would have liked to fell out when she first saw her looking like that.
(You are everything, and I would give you anything...) And the Piano was seriously sheltered from the reality of everyday life. That dude was borderline Blast From the Past. I loved Skeleton because he was an idiot. He was too funny, and something was always falling on him.

And I'm quite sure there is no reason I should've liked this show as a kid...But I did...Remember the Monkees? No, I'm not going to disgrace my page with pictures of Brits (unless its The Who) and Zoobile Zoo? Unhealthy attachments to both, seriously. I think every chld in America with serious issues watched either one of or both of those shows. Wow... I truly enjoyed this trip down memory lane with you loverly people. Maybe we should do it again sometime.

Uh...Moni...if you're still alive, would you mind dropping a line in the comments portion of the page please? Thank you...The same goes for Tahsheerah. And Johnell.

April Showers...Or Lack Thereof

2006-05-01T23:50:00.000-05:00

Did it even rain this month? I'm trying to think back and remember opening my umbrella. Yeah, it did rain like twice. I was expecting serious torentially downpurs seeing as we were seriously jipped when it came to the winter we had. Or didn't have. I didn't zip up my coat ONE TIME last winter. WTF kind of crap is that? Freakin sucks.
I should be writing right now; instead I'm listening to Dane Cook (very funny cat) and trying to get motivated. I write four thousand words last night, bringing the word count up from twenty-two thousand and change to twenty-six thousand and change. Yes, it's going quite well, thank you. My sister and I are on the phone discussing random shit. Our dream cars. My dream car has always been a fresh new Cadillac CTS, yes. I will never change that. But if I were truly rich and could truly afford it, I would buy this; the single most beautiful vehicle ever manufactured by man:

Yes. Bow down to it's glory. Isn't she a beaut? I'd name her Hasta LaVista and call her Hasta for short. As in 'I will see you in the dust, bitches'. That's a Saleen S7, kids. Capable of over 200MPH and 0-60 in under three seconds, V8 engine and 750 horsepower. Sure it costs just over half a million dollars but if you're the type of person that can afford a car like that, you're not really worried about price are you? Sheesh, I hate rch people. And don't give me any of that "money doesn't buy happiness" shit, either. That's just something rich people say to make poor people feel good. Just like "beauty comes from within" is somehting they say to ugly people to make them feel good. Yeah, I know the game. Money don't buy happiness but it sure can buy some nice shit.

To Vote or Not To Vote

2006-04-30T02:40:00.000-05:00

In response to Janedda's question: Why don't you vote? That couldn't have come at a better time. I answered that exact question on C2C this morning. Feel free to email with questions and concerns.

I don't vote now and I don't ever plan to. I don't have enough faith in this shifty corrupt system to blindly pick a leader based on the pretty yarns he spins during election time. There's so much more to the election system than just going behind a curtain and marking a ballot. Strictly IMO, if the leaders of this country gave a good goddamn about the people paying their salaries, things would be a lot different. Inner city children would have the supplies they need to achieve greatness as opposed to watching money they need and deserve go to overpriveleged white children upstate. Our prisons wouldn't be filled with desperate black men who turned to the streets because they felt they had no other choice and everyone refused to give them a chance because of the color of their skin. There would be hope for the single mother because some greedy white collar pulled the funding for day care (which they're trying to do right now). I'm sick of politicians hiding behind each other and tailoring the Constitution to fit their selfish, greedy needs and I'm even more sick of people defending them. This is the "richest country in the world" but instead of feeding and clothing OUR OWN, we want to be the world police and make sure other countries get support and aid. What happened to taking care of our own? How can you fix something else before you've fixed home? What oppressed Iraqi is fighting for the children in the jacked up foster care system, the jacked up school system, the jacked up SS system, the jacked up prison system and the jacked up economy? Exactly, there aren't any. Instead of making sure we have everything we need here and keeping the country happy, our lovely President has decided he's going to wage a phony war so he can inhabit an oil bearing country. He has authorized the murder of innocent women and children in the name of democracy and freedom and the extinguishing of terrorism and the upholding of the American way. Yeah, I'm just racing to the polls. I'm going to support liar after liar, murderer after murderer, bum after bum. Please. When a candidate PROVES, not just says, he is worthy of my trust, maybe I'll get on down to the polls. But as they say, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS and from my standpoint, they're "talkin loud but ain't sayin Sh*!."

A Nose In Need Deserves Puffs Indeed

2006-04-29T22:28:00.000-05:00

Didn't leave the house at all yesterday, way too sick. I sent Tah to go deposit my check in the bank. So all that ish I was talking the other day isn't going to happen until I can actually move. I'm writing this right now on his lap top.
This ain't hardly allergies, this is a full blown cold. Coughing (hacking rather), sneezing, post-nasal drip (you know that thing tghat happens when you try to sleep and you sit up in the middle of the night with an itchy, aching eustachian tube as whatever is in your nose drips to the back of your throat?), and achy body. I drank a half a bottle of NyQuil the other night and it put me to sleep but it gave me really bad cotton mouth. So when I finished it I drank about a gallon of water. Ma thinks NyQuil is overmedicatin myself (apparently, she doesn't seem to realize that this is no longer allergies, yet a bad case of spring nasopharyngitis. I'm pissed because it's not helping my already stellar mood from the occurences of this week. I switched from NyQuil to Benadryl. Ma was shouting something as I went to the store this morning:
"Loratidine! Get Loratidine!"
"What?"
"Ask the pharmacist. It's generic Claritin!"
Fat chance, ma. I want the fast remedy. "Can't I jsut get NyQuil?"
"It's too strong. This is only allergies! You're gonna make yourself sick!"
Ma, if this were merely allergies, I wouldn't have that Death, take me now feeling running thorugh my body and mind.
"And would you get me some coffee?"
She takes hers large with cream and three sugars. I would rather be dead than drink coffee; I stick to my meds. "Yeah."
"Don't forget to get Loratidine!"
"Ma, I'm gonna get the Benadryl."
"How much is it?"
If you don't let me get to the store, I will never know. "I don't know, Ma. Like five bucks."
"Alright."
Turns out it was six bucks. I got back, drank a third of the bottle, some water, blew my nose, and went back to sleep. I'm miserable. Everytme I sneeze, my throat hurts worse (if any of you say a goddamn fucking thing about the cigarettes I'll smack the shit out of you) and I've been spittin up these gross globs of pleghm all day. I hate that word, it's so nasty. So I bid thee good people adieu until I can, in the immortal words of Mrs. Braxton, breathe again.

Hip-Hop Has Risen and Died Again

2006-04-28T10:47:00.000-05:00

Actor and comedian Katt Williams recently took some time to talk to SOHH about his newest venture - being a rap artist.
As SOHH previously reported, Williams recently signed with Cam'ron's Diplomat Records.
"It's official," Williams confirmed to SOHH exclusively. "My album is coming out this year. I had about three places that I decided would be a good look. I won't say who all I met and had discussions with but I had an offer from Universal. I'm not going to say the name of the second place and the last person was Cam. Me and Cam met for maybe an hour and at the end of the hour we both understood what it was gonna be."
The announcement came during the recent taping of Williams stand-up DVD in Atlanta, GA. "We taped my comedy special in Atlanta," Williams said. "It was crazy. At the end, in front of 4,000 people we made the Dipset announcement at the tail end of that. So yes, the revolution will be televised."
The album, which is titled It's Pimpin is due out this summer. An actual release date has not yet been determined.
"It's a rap album, but it's funny," said Williams. "I got to deal with whoever I wanted to deal with. Snoop is on the album, Lil Jon, E-40, Paul Wall, Mike Jones, Suga Free, Lyfe Jennings, MC Lyte, Da Brat, Dipset of course.
"The first single will probably be hittin in the next 21 days," he added, although he has yet to choose what song will be the first released. "It's a battle between the song with me, Lil Jon and Ice Cube and another song with me, Paul Wall and Mike Jones."
Williams, who begins taping his third season of the Nick Cannon helmed MTV improv show "Wild N' Out" next week, will also reprise his A Pimp Named Slickback role for the second season of Aaron McGruder's "The Boondocks' animated series. According to Williams, McGruder is currently in talks with Sony about making a live action film about the life of A Pimp Named Slickback, which would star Williams.
Currently filming the new Eddie Murphy film Norbit, alongside Charlie Murphy, Cuba Gooding Jr., Thandie Newton, Williams will again play the role of a pimp, but he told SOHH he has no worries about being typecasted.
"I'm a fly dude... I just am," Williams told SOHH. "There are certain things that you think about when you see me and that's what I'm bringing to the role. I don't waste my time thinking about the pigeon hole thing. I can't be stuck, I make over a million dollars a year doing stand up. What happens in TV and movies, that's other issues. I'm on one of the top shows on MTV and I'm not playing a pimp there.
"When I was on My Wife and Kids' with Damon Wayans, I played a corny dude that's stuck in the 80's," he adds. "When I acted on 'The Tracy Morgan Show' I was just a dude that came by Tracy's shop that liked music. I am what I am. So I bring what I am to my parts. There are a lot of actors who would love to do what I'm doing. A lot of people when they hear I am doing this rap album are like, 'Well, can he rap?' But it's a numbers game. I'm gonna outsell a whole lot of qualified rappers and they'll just have to deal with that."

(Source: SOHH.com)

Cam, I was really starting to put you back on my good side after More Than Music but this is just foolishness. DipSet is already comprised of Cam, Jim Jones, Juelz Santana, Hell Rell, JR Writer, Freakey Zekey, Jha Jha (who I'm not too fond of), 40 Cal, Max B, and most recently, DukeDaGod. Starting to sound a lot like G-Unit; bunch of thugged out dudes with one broad and a comedian (the role of the comedian in G-Unit is played by Ma$e.) The third coming of the Wu-Tang clan. They really are trying to start a movement, I see. But can Katt Williams rap any worse than the above mentioned characters? (As you can see I'm clearly playing the Devil's Advocate because I am a well know massive DipSet fan.) He is a comedian, not a rapper. It's the same thing as Chris Tucker bustin out with osme rhymes about how funny Jackie Chan was in Rush Hour. *Sigh*

And Jesus wept.

You Are Everything

2006-04-28T10:14:00.000-05:00

Last night we had an argument
Afterwards, I'm feelin' pretty bent
Then I took a drink and I didn't think
What was in store for me
So I wrote a letter
Dropped it on the bedroom floor
I never felt this way before, no
I grabbed my coat and closed the door baby, I'm sorry

Baby I'm sorry
Sorry for what I've done
Will you forgive me
Will you forgive me and let me be your only one
Cuz you are

You are everything
And I would give you anything
Sorry for what I've done
I wanna be your only one
Girl I apologize for all your tears
When you cried, sorry for what I've done
I wanna be your only one

Girl I
apologize
for all the tears
And all the lies
And if by chance
just one more chance
I swear I'll be
the epitome of a good man

Baby I'm sorry
Sorry for what I've done
Will you forgive me
And let me be your only one
Cuz you are

You are everything
And I would give you anything
Sorry for what I've done
I wanna be your only one
Girl I apologize for all your tears
When you cried, sorry for what I've done
I wanna be your only one

You are everything
And everything is you
You are everything
Everything I do
You are everything
And everything is you
You are everything
Girl, you're everything I do
You are everything
And everything is you
You are everything
Girl, you're everything I do
Everything I do

-Dru Hill, Enter The Dru

Rants From My 18-Year-Old Mind

2006-04-28T09:37:00.000-05:00

i've decided not to capitalize anything in today's post. tomorrow, i will be using neither capitalization nor punctuation. that should be fun. i'll show you grammar freaks.

it has come to my attention that some of my readers apparently think i'm older than i say i am. i find this hilarious. folks always think i'm older than i am when it comes to things that don't count. people tell me i look as old as twenty-five. try cashing a thousand dollar check without state id. all of sudden my ass looks sixteen. bastards.
the thing that kills me is that i can cash my mother's checks and pay all her bills without them giving me a second glance. so why in the good green hell can't i cash my own damn check? wtf? this is a government conspiracy, i swear. so, as if getting up too early in the morning to go out today wasn't bad enough, i have to get back up tomorrow (my day off, my damn day off) and hustle down down to dmv to get my non-drivers id card. more drama. the first theing they request when going for your NON DRIVERS ID CARD is ID. if i had id, i wouldn't need id. seriously, whose idea was that? i could kill them right now.
tonight, i have to search my room frantically for various pieces of id that will eventually culminate into six points. i don't know how many points the birth certificate racks up, it doesn't specify. of course, i'm slow so i could have missed it. so i'm guessing if i take my high school/college/union settlement id's, birth certificate and ss card and my pretty face, that should be more than enough to get me in good. i'm going to have to look at the site again.
as you all know, mama is slow. i'm not going to lie about it only to be found out later and embarrassed. i have a hard time understanding things. just a wee bit. it tkaes me a few moments more than others. like when my brother asked me what color was george washington's white horse and i said huh? rest assured, there's a difference between slow and stupid. i ain't stupid. trust and believe that.
i am indecisive today, though. about certain situations. like, how do you tell your girlfriend that the guy she is dating is a total dickweed and will probably cheat on her the second she slides the ring on his finger? or your best friend that his girlfriend is a self-centered prick who cares nothing about him but what he can do for her? or your boyfriend that you are going to kick him in the shins with a steel-toed boot if he doesn't get his ish together in a reasonable amount of time?
*sigh* the sick me is having a hard time saying, "you need to open your eyes and realize that he is using you and if he loved you he wouldn't have waited this long and cheated on you various times to realize he 'loves' you; you need to drop this bitch because any woman who maxes out your credit card after she stole it from you is not a keeper; and you sir, have serious work to put in to get back on my good side." *another long sigh* it jsut doesn't come out that way when i'm not feeling good. it's jsut so much easier to lay in bed staring at the ceiling, listening to the Dru Hill album over and over and over again. i didn't know any of those songs when i first got it (okay, well there were a few i knew and a few i didn't) but i'll be damned if i don't know them all by heart now.
okay, so i checked back at the site and they're not even open on saturday. i'm glad i figured that out before i didn't ask someone and made the unnecessary trek down there. so scrap the two above paragraphs. i'm just going to go home, get my atm card, and deposit the damn thing. save myself a shitload of trouble. should have done that in the first place, shouldn't i have? i just hate the whole wait-nine-years-for-it-to-clear thing. so i will have to wait until hopefully monday to be cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
speaking of, did i mention that i could be working come monday? well, i'm not going to go all happy on ya'll, but i'm feeling very optimistic though. i need the cash flow.

sleep beckons.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

2006-04-28T02:23:00.000-05:00

My day will be rather busy today, I'm going to be spending it pretending I've actually got imortant things to do. Gotta get my hair done, pay my phone bill, take a trip downtown (I'm sure I've mentioned my disdain for the "other" side of Manhattan), cash a check, buy some sneakers, buy an iPod (yeah, I broke down), buy a phone, and make it back uptown by 2:45. (Insert Wonder Woman theme music here.)
So you lovely people may not see me for the next few days but I promise there will be a post of interest up soon. My phone should be back on by tomorrow night (hopefully) so give me a test call around eight o'clock.
If you couldn't tell, yes, I'm exhausted. I've been burning the candle at both ends for over a week now and I finally think I'm ready to crash. Went to bed at four yesterday and was up all day cleaning the front of the house. So yeah, the little sleep I'm gonna get, because I gotta get up early and do my hair, is well deserved.
Night.

Wrangler Jeans and Jellies

2006-04-25T23:52:00.000-05:00

***DISCLAIMER: IF YOU ARE IN ANY WAY RELATED TO THE FOLLOWING MODELS, I DON'T KNOW THEM AND THESE STATEMENTS ARE NOT TO BE TAKEN PERSONALLY. RELAX.***

So one of my girlfriends emails me these pictures of male models. The caption goes: "Ms. Tyra, these are America's real next top models." I felt the need to share. Now I am going to rep a fine man to the fullest but he has to give me something to go on, seriously. These guys are ummm...gag me with a spoon.
I believe, and I don't think I'm alone here, that male modeling is quite possibly the gayest profession ever invented. I mean, what screams fag like "walk, walk walk, and strike a pose, bitch!"? Clearly you male models have mommy issues that were not discussed during the intesne therapy sessions you missed out on as you catwalked through the cafeteria. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an attractive man, nothing wrong at all. But these suggestive poses are best left to those with feminine anatomies, I find. Take for example:

Can it possibly get gayer than that? How do you tell your dudes, "ay yo son, look at that new picture of me in DETAILS, son. Tell me that shit ain't fire my nigga." If you make it out before the bullets start flying, you're one lucky bastard. Seriously. No grown ass man is going to show his friends pictures of him hugging his own naked body unles he's doing some serious after hours teabagging. Let's move on:

Brandon. Darling. I don't know if you look more like a Downy soft snow bunny or an extra from a bad Avant wannabe video. What was the name of that show where one lucky winner could get the chance to make a video where they look like their favorite celebrity? Super fruit, super fruit, he's super fruity...NEXT!

No words. Is that...Ne-Yo? Oh, I am so sick alright...

How do you justify this shit? How is this right to you? In what altered state of mind did he find this to be proper behavior for a straight dude? I could only be more sick if it were glitter. They I would be racing from the computer to the bathroom trying to hold the bile back before it spewed out across the entire room. If my dude ever came home and showed me these pictures I would seriously ask him if there was someone else. But wait. There's more:

Stuffing anyone? I'm sure there's enough to go around. Turkey or pork? Oh both, here's a double scooping. I haven't seen anything remotely as gay since this. Or that. Completely fagadocious. Unnacceptable. Our grand finale:

Oh, rain down on me, let your love just fall like raindrops...My bad. In the indelible words of Jay-Z, what more can I say? I don't want anyone coming at me trying to justify this shit as ok either. Because it's wrong. It's just very, very, maddeningly wrong. My kids are gonna be fine as red hell but I refuse to dignify my son with a response if he ever comes home and tells me that he plans on modeling for a living. How you people look at the sale of crack is how I look at male modeling. Just plain wrong.
(For those of you that actually enjoyed these pics, email me for the full archive.)

Crazy

2006-04-25T15:59:00.000-05:00

RIP Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes
May 27, 1971 - April 25, 2002

A Midweek Hoe Sit Down Award

2006-04-24T19:51:00.000-05:00

Diddy's planning to drop his next — and last — solo album September 19, he told MTV Europe, and to make it special, he's recruited a lot of help, including Mary J. Blige, Christina Aguilera, Brandy, Busta Rhymes, Nas and Will.I.Am. "I'm taking from what I've learned from dance music, electro-clash, techno, hip-hop, soul and pop, and kind of fusing it together," Diddy said. "It's like everything in hip-hop is so hardcore with guns and problems and beef, and nobody is being romantic — not in a corny way, but just giving all of yourself. It's still going to have that gangsta vibe to it, but it's a musical journey. It's going to feel good." Diddy said the first single will be a club track. "We are going to bring
a lot of high fashion, a lot of energy, a lot of sex, a lot of drugs, spirituality, good times," he explained. "We're going to have something for the kids, but it's really an adult thing. It's definitely pornographic, orgasmic, gangsta, to the point where your soul feels good. It's like a spiritual revolution. It's like being sanctified." And if that sounds like an odd combo, sums it up as "Little Richard-style for the ladies."

This is truly Unforgiveable. Its more than enough that we don't know what brotha man is calling hismelf these days. But does Shiny Suit Man have to keep insulting our intelligence with the juvenile ass albums? I would rather listen to Cam'Ron as he "keeps computers putin'" on a Purple Haze track. Could he be kidding any harder? I mean really? Didn't we go through this same thing with Jigga?
For added fun, watch in 2006 as Young Joc, Cherri Dennis and some faceless, nameless white chick suffer the Curse of Bad Boy.

Paid In Full

2006-04-24T13:23:00.000-05:00

I can't wait until I am the CEO of my own shit.
That would undoubtedly make me more of a bitch than I am now but if I'm the one calling the shots it doesn't really matter, does it? I think of all the CEO's of powerful companies int he movies and how much they had to give up to get there. Remember Anthony Hopkins in Meet Joe Black? Even though I be goddamned if somebody knocks me out of my position of power. I guess that was bad example. And now that I'm thinking of it I can't remember. Oh wait, Vin Diesel in Boiler Room. I love that movie.
Cutthroat. Do I want to be cutthroat? No, I just want to be respected and feared enough fro people to realize that I am not one to be stepped on or over. There is no worse feeling than being a brown noser in a world where you can only go up. I would hate to spend the rest of my life kissing someone's ass when I could spend the rest of my life having my ass kissed, you know?
But that's the shit about paying your dues. Eventually, unless you're really, really good, you have to kiss some ass to get where you want to be. I'm not a fan of kissing ass but I can understand the importance of fakin it to make it. I'm not going to live on my knees but if I need to walk two steps behind you every now and then, I will do so, feel me?
So as I sit here penning this post, nursing a very large glass of JW, smoking and listening to the Diplomats, I must remind myself from here on out that shit is going to get really real. I'ma have to put my head down and squeeze through the crowd with one shoulder. Hustlin is hard to do but apparently that's what needs to be done in order to make it to the top.
At least in this world, it is.

Hoe Sit Down Award of the Week

2006-04-22T17:06:00.000-05:00

Karrine Steffans says she's gotten it on with Usher, Diddy, Vin Diesel, Shaquille O'Neal and Ja Rule, among other famous men. But when it comes to satisfying her as a woman, no one compares with comic Bill Maher.

"It took a lot to impress me," the best-selling author of "Confessions of a Super Vixen" tells us. "Bill was my perfect match. [Love-making] was explosive and amazing. I've never been with someone who couldn't keep his hands off me."

And it wasn't just the passion. "He made me a better person. I never expected fidelity and commitment from Bill Maher, but we saw each other every day, and he reached out to include my son."

As much as she was learning from her 50-year-old "daddy," Steffans, 27, says she began to feel "like I was just becoming his girlfriend. I needed to explore."

About three months ago, they decided to take a break. "It was nice to hear people calling my name when I walked down the red carpet," she says. "But now I want to go back home to him. I haven't been with anyone else since. I will never be with another man."

It was one year ago today that they met. Though they still exchange E-mails and phone calls, she says, "It's going to be a lonely anniversary."

"Bill is free to go out and date," she says. "The difference between me and whoever he's [bleep]ing now is they're not getting what he gave me."

Maher wasn't available for comment yesterday, but he told us in August he was serious about Steffans.

While she waits to see what her romantic future holds, Steffans is furious over a piece of her freaky past that's been resurrected.

Tomorrow, Vivid Entertainment plans to release a DVD titled "Superhead," Steffans' nickname in the hip hop world. Her lawyers plan to file a motion in L.A. Federal Court to stop the release.

Steffans admits she signed a release form when she went before the cameras with the porn player known as Mr. Marcus. But she emphasizes, "That was six years ago, when I was a coke whore. I was a single mom. I needed money. Vivid makes it look like it's a new tape. They're using my current picture and a book title without my permission. If anyone profits from this film, I want my cut, which I will donate to charity."

She adds, "I have better sex tapes at my home - with people more famous than me. I have those for my own pleasure. I could make a ton off them. But I don't make money off sex anymore."

And who might those famous people be? Bill perhaps?

"No," she says. "But if he was, I wouldn't tell you."

Source: Daily News

If you recall, this is the THIRD award bestowed upon Ms. Steffans. She is now neck and neck with Kanye West for the Hoe Sit Down Award of the Year.
When is this broad going to let it go? I'm so tired of hearing about her vagina, its ridiculous. Besides the fact that it's probably like throwing a hot dog down a hall way, Thanks Stewie) her pussy is really starting to piss me off. Shouldn't you be off somewhere, I don't know...raising your child?

Mama's Baby, Papa's Maybe

2006-04-21T14:22:00.000-05:00

So I'm watching my daily does of Negro TV (the Maury Show, Divorce Court, Judge Alex and Judge Hatchett) at my mamas job as she types a memo for one of her directors. Judge Hatchett had some guy on there with two women claiming he was their childnres fathers. I was disappointed not in the fact that he was there for two kids by two different women no, but by what I saw in the advertisement for the next episode: "She claims they held a secret rendesvous just so she could get pregnant."
Are you freakin kidding me?
I turned to my mother, who was busy shaking her head, and asked her this, "Why don't people understand the ramifications of their actions whne they claim they want a kid?" I don't get it. There is no reason kids should be raising kids. You're not even finished raising yourself. And how many grandparents are stuck with grandchildren they didn't birth, while their children struggle to make it in the outside world?
There is so much more to being a parent and having a baby than just changing pampers. Its not all oohs and aahs at baby showers. Sure, you may take pride in your baby bump when you're waltzing through Baby Gap and Babies R Us but think about it...
Staying up til four thirty in the morning because little Susie has colic and can't sleep.
Calling your girlfriends and telling them you can't go lubbing because you can't find a baby sitter. They curse you out because tonight is ladies night and this is the third time you've had to bail on them.
Wondering where in blue hell this kids father is, what he's doing and who he's doing it with.
Medical bills that are piling up because since you have no one to watch your child, you can't work. And all these girls are doing what they're doing all alone. There are plenty of fathers who are standing up and doing the right thing but at the same time there are plenty of others that are not.
Why is being a 'baby mama' a badge of honor? That's why I was so pissed when Fantasia came out with that dumb ass song. It's not something that should be condoned. Its something that should be addressed and prevented. I'm not going to talk bad about anyone under eighteen with a child because all of my best friends are mothers. My godbrother Tah had his daughter when he was seventeen. He is now twenty-one. My best friend (from way back in junior high) had he first child when we were in tenth grade. Another very close friend started having kids in the eighth grade and she's up to her fifth right now. She'll be twenty in January.
I've watched all of the grow and mature in different ways. Granted, they're still kids at heart (ya'll know how dumb Tah can be) but being a parent at a young age forces you to become a grownup regardless o whether the law states it or not.
When did life become so complicated?

URGENT MESSAGE TO ALL READERS

2006-04-20T15:33:00.000-05:00

This is a very important message to all my readers. If you are used to typing in www.jackisimmons.blogspot.com, squash that. The new address is thisisrealtalk.blogspot.com. Please take a second to write that down and remember it, as I don't want to lose any members. I will be creating a monthly newsletter to send out to you people because in the near future, I'm not too sure of my availability.
Thanx for all the support, homies. :)

More Random Musings From A Newportless Mind

2006-04-20T13:45:00.000-05:00

I should really think about paying my phone bill. I've been out of touch with the outside world for the past two days and I do't like that feeling. I miss hearing the familiar "...when I chirp, shawty chirp back..." or the "...and I gotta admit that you got my attention..." when my phone rings. They didn't even give me a freakin warning. I picked up my phone to make a call and it was all "Your call has been redirected to Cingular Wireless upon nonpayment on your account." I was pissed. First of all, it was not nonpayment. It was late payment. There is a subtle difference. They act like they're not ever going to get their money. I mean, could you have at least given a bitch a warning?

I need to quit smoking. I say that every time I light a smoke but I haven't quite gotten around to it.

Someone asked if the Jim Jones album, Harlem: Diary of A Summer is going to be the official album of This Is Me, and I answered yes. So G's up.

Tyson Beckford can be as gay as a pink poodle in a sea of rhinestone puppy collars laying on a silk chaise sipping pink lemonade. He will still be fine as all holy hell.

I only recently felt sorry for Lil Km after watching Countdown to Lockdown for the very first time on BET. That's the most riveting thing I've watched on that channel in only the Good Lord knows how long.

Now that Easter is over, is everyone going to start going Christmas shopping like my godbrother's baby mama?

Does anybody really give a fuck? Hasn't his career been over for years now? I mean seriously, who would buy a solo K-Ci album? Put your name in the comments responding in the pository and I will slap the green and blue shit out of you. No one cares about you K-Ci. Not even Mary.

I haven't read a book in over a month. That is not good.

Guess who's ass is gonna be in summer school? I don't mind really, the last summer school session I had to endure really wasn't all that bad. The teachers were cool, and my classroom was on the breezey side of the building and I went every day. I think I might have missed liek two days but at the end of the session, I passed all my regents and all three (count em three) of my classes. These six credits are really nagging me because they keep jumping off the papers and shit and laughing my face, calling for my slow and steady demise. I'ma get there, eventually.

Note continued from above: Maybe I should have a birthday/graduation/book release party? That shit would be really dope because those three things will be happening at around the same time. *Rubs chin thoughtfully* Hmmmm...

Note continued from above: I finally decided what I'm doing for my twenty-first birthday. (I'm not even nineteen and I'm planning for the two one. What can I say? I like to be prepared.)

So Babies R Us called me back today so they could get my address and send out my background check. I'm not gonna jinx myself, but for the very first time, I'm feeling optimistic.

So my girlfriend is clownin me becuase I would rather go to a strip club when I turn twenty-one than go to one when I turn nineteen. Should I do both? Hmm... I want my mama to take me to the Blue Note before I go to the club (this is the 21st party) because I've heard so much about it, and I'll finally be able to buy my own damn drink. :) Not that I can't now, but at least it will be legal. I will explain the whole birthday thing in a much later post.

The D Word (c) Copyright bitches, is coming along quite well. If you wish toread an excerpt, hit me up at Yahoo.

They finally forced me into this shit. It actually works though, in two days, I got five people that wanna read my book. I'm very happy about that. That networking shit is something else ain't it? So in return I reviewed music and it's actually not that bad. Check them out here.

Have you noticed that now that I've figured out how to post links I've been going bananas? Yes, its okay, you can laugh. I'm so happy I figured that dumb shit out so now there is going to be at least one link per post. *Smiles*

Right now I'm about to lace up my kicks and go down to TwoFifth and knock a nigga out. Wish me luck. :)

Don't Ask, Dont Tell (One)

2006-04-19T16:41:00.000-05:00

Ivy
I have never been a morning person. I roll over and pull the sheets over my head when the first rays of the sun creep over the horizon and give birth to the rosy fingers of dawn. Call me bitter if you like. I hate the morning. It’s just a grim reminder that I have to look my husband in the face another day. Which means he’s still alive.
I used to love Jackson, once upon a time. He used to love me. We had a fairy-tale romance, a fairy-tale wedding, a fairy-tale honeymoon and a fairy-tale marriage. I used to think he was so talented, so smart. He was amazing in bed. I’m blushing just thinking about it. Jackson was the only man who ever made my legs shake. He did things to my body that were inexplicable. Now, I don’t even remember the last time we had a good romp.
He’d never given me a reason why our love cooled off. Partly because I never asked. We just seemed to let it go. I never asked him where he was going or when he’d be back. Vice versa. We came and went as we pleased; the only common courtesies we bestowed upon each other were the simple pleasantries: Good morning. Want some coffee? Please. Thank you. Excuse me. How was your day? Goodnight. Our conversations rarely went any further than that. Neither of us had reached for the divorce papers yet. I don’t know what we were waiting for. Maybe inside we were hoping something better would come along and we could go back to the way things used to be.
I hear Jackson pull up in front of our house. He always slams the front door. In a moment, he’ll come up the stairs with a beer. I’m already in bed. He comes into the bedroom, his suit jacket and briefcase in one arm and his Heineken in the other. I have my face buried in a book and I pretend not to be watching him. He sets his briefcase down.
“Evenin, Ivy.”
“Hello, Jackson.”
“Whatcha got there?”
“Patterson.”
“Any good?”
“Excellent.”
That was that. He changed his clothes then, never in front of me, always in the closet. We used to take each other’s clothes off and leave them in piles at the foot of the bed. Those were the good old days. He came out in his boxers, pulling his sheet back and turning on the television. He drank his beer, watching Letterman and giving a half-hearted laugh every once in a while. It went off and he flicked off his light.
“Night Ivy.”
“Goodnight Jackson.”
I could smell, very faintly, the odor of a woman’s perfume. And so it began.

Jackson
Ivy could be such a bitch. I love her, or at least I think I do. When I met her, she took me by surprise. She made me love her. I had never been hit as hard or as fast as I was when I found out I loved her. That feeling has long since passed. I hate to say it but she makes me regret the day I said I do. It’s not a good feeling, being unattached from your wife. You didn’t get married to fall out of love.
It seemed like the seconds between us have stretched into minutes. Then into hours and days and weeks and as far as I remember, it’s been at least a year since she and I had a really good conversation. Or even really good sex. Everyone I know said the sex was awful once they got married. Not with Ivy, it wasn’t. That woman’s body made me thank God I was a man. But it seems as of late I can’t remember what she looks like naked.
Everything just died between us. First, we stopped doing little things together, holding hands in public, going out to dinner. She stopped reading to me at night. I stopped running my fingers through her hair. We stopped talking. Then the sex stopped. We got separate cars, separate lives. I thought it would be a matter of time before we got separate bedrooms, but she seemed content to stay the way we were.
I met Karinna some time ago. To be honest, I don’t know how it happened. She just sort of stumbled into my life. I needed a secretary and she needed job. Karinna filled the void that Ivy left. No one knew me better than my wife, but since I didn’t really know Ivy anymore, Karinna was the next best thing. I didn’t love Karinna; it was more of a really strong like. She was just something that kept me stable for the moment. I hated leading her on, but I needed what Karinna gave me. Gentle security.
She’s so cold now, and so am I. We were just going through the motions until one of us decided to sign the papers. I don’t even know if she wants the divorce. Or if she’s just toying with me, hoping I’ll be miserable until I die. I came home tonight and I could feel her eyes boring a hole into my back. The air was tight with what we were never going to say. I hated it. I don’t know how she felt on the inside, but on the outside, she was frozen solid. Almost as if none of this had any effect on her. That’s what made me so mad. Nothing seemed to faze her. She seemed fine with the thick silent hot air between us.
I couldn’t find it, but I know there was some part of me that still loved Ivy. At least I think so.

(c) 2006 Jacki Simmons
All rights reserved.
Note: Violators will be subject to a serious Harlem beatdown if plagiarism is suspected.

You Know It's Hard Out Here For A...

2006-04-18T15:59:00.000-05:00

You know something, you may not be able to count on a hustla for a damn thing. But you sho nuff can count on them niggas for one thing: to be at work.
It's a guarantee that you can find a hustla on the block all hours of the day. You wanna know where they are? Just go where they be. Which is exactly why I am no longer trippin about not knowin where the hell this nigga is. He's where he always is and I can count on that. I wanna see him, all I need to do is take my ass down the hill. But only a desperate bitch is gonna be all up under a nigga when he's working so...I won't be doing all that. I've found other ways to pass my time.
I've been visiting Fresh on a daily basis, getting in a good laugh. That chick is crazy and the way she gets on these celebs is hysterical. Good laughs every damn day. What's better? If you enjoy that site, enjoy Inciting A Riot.
Also been getting in touch with my inner Diplomat. Don't ask me why but I've been bumping that old ass More Than Music mixtape for the past two days.
Been harrassing my publishing company for the past few days trying to get my head right and get my info all together. They don't call as often as my previous publisher did, but then again they are also a lot more busy. With his company, there was just him and me. Then I left and he was back to just him. He did take care of me and teach me a lot of things about the game before we parted ways though so I (goddamn I love this song! Camron on Somebody Gotta Die Tonight) have to give him a shoutout.
Speaking of shoutouts I was wondering aloud today what my acknowledgement page is going to look like when my book comes out. I was laughing to myself like I'm not gonna put "if I've forgotten you, you're still in my prayers." I was gonna say "if I've forgotten you, there's a reason." *Laughing* Evil, I know. It's hard for me to show I care, since I don't. If I haven't seen you in enough time to remember your name then you can't possibly be that important.
Finally got around to that Pink Floyd album, The Wall. Now I plan on actually listening to it.
I was playing Juelz Santana like there's no tomorrow. He ain't no Jim Jones but he's an aight nigga. I know everybody gets on DipSet because of them candy cane raps they be spittin but I know each and everyone of you is a damn liar if you say you weren't gettin down everytime you heard "Oh Boy."
Listen to T.I.'s new album, KING. If you're into the southern thing, knock yourself out. I'm not, but since T.I. is one of the only two (Ludacris) southern rappers I respect, I have to support his lil skinny lightskinned ass.
I'm glad my readers enjoyed the revised edition of Ain't Gold. I hated it. I hated writing it. It wasn't what I wanted for the story but I kind of caught the feeling that you weren't going to let me leave it be. Just so you know, when its transformed into novel form, I will be using the ORIGINAL ending, not none of that mushy lovey dovey shit.
Oh and your nominations for Nigga of the Year are due. Whether it be K-Fed for having Child Welfare visit his home (aka BCW to us black folks), to having Kanye West star in his own movie and demand that the Bible be rewritten to include him, to my man Juvenile getting arressted AGAIN...you let me know and we'll tally up the votes and have a big ole party the night before the '06 recap. Something is telling me that K-Fed is going to win by a landslide...

Misery Loves Company

2006-04-17T22:19:00.000-05:00

I never grasped the full, undiluted meaning of this phrase until today. And now that I have grasped it, I know just how to conquer it. No more am I going to let the shit that has been pissing me off for the past few weeks continue to piss me off. No more am I going to stomp out of the house and sit on the stoop with a bottle of water and a cigarette, bitching and moaning about 'what could have been.' I am an advocate for getting off your ass and doing something about it so why am I sitting here making myself miserable? I had a sort of a revelation today: Shit only happens if you let it. Meaning, misery is only going to follow your ass if you want it to. All this time I've been wishing and hoping and praying that things could be different. Shoulda, coulda woulda, but didn't. So why dwell on what I can't change? I'm not the type that believes in fate or destiny. I'm a firm believer in the "shit happens" theory. (I'm sorry, I never have been big on all that predetermination shit.) I started penning this thinking about what I didn't have, now I'm penning this thinking about what I do have, and what I will have. I'm going to be an author. I have a book coming out, Lord willin, by the end of this year. I have a place to live, friends and family that love me, clean clothes on my back, a roof over my head, a drink in one hand and a loosie in the other. I couldn't be happier. What the fuck am I complaining about? Sure, shit could be different. But I realize just how much time I've spent letting the little shit get in the way of my success and prosperity. I've wasted a lot of time giving a fuck. I mean, a whole lot of time. I ain't worryin about nobody but mama from this day forward. I'm going back to the way I used to be. If you can't do anything for me, you're of no use to me. Keep yourself first and all other bullshit second. Be about your money and your business and all that other good shit. No more of that stopping to think of your fellow man. Hell no, that's the end of that. From this day forward, the bitch is back and she ain't takin no prisoners.

*****

On a much lighter note, to the folks that have been calling me and haven't received an answer, don't fret, I haven't forgotten about you. Here's a mini update:
-I need to have the first draft of this book to my company by May 1st. Now seeing that things around here haven't been tip top lately, I'm not going to be able to do that (unless I seriously bust my hump) so I'm asking for an extension. I will keep you posted on the progress of Stripped as it becomes available to me.
-Yes, I did go to the interview on Friday. It was supposed to be a group interview with sixteen people present but it rained really hard all day long and just me and this one other dude showed up. There was a second interview the day after and the manager told me that as soon as my background check came back clear (which it should because as much as I want to kill someone I haven't actually been able to) I would be clear. So I'm very optimistic about that, although I'm not holding my breath cuz ya'll know how I am. If I do end up getting the job you people will not see me very often as the job requires me to work from 10pm to 6am. Yeah, graveyard shift, for real.
-Spoke to L, albeit briefly. *Sigh* You can't get what you want all of the time but you can get some of what you want some of the time.
-Remember I said I was going to sit down and compile my list of my five favorite movies of all time? I finally sat down and thought about it and came to the conclusion that they all happen to star my favorite actor, Kevin Spacey. (Usual Suspects, American Beauty, LA Confidential, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, and Se7en) Go figure.
-If you try to call me on Thursday and don't get through, my phone is off. Yeah, that bill didn't quite get paid, so um... Yeah...It should be back though so if you have my home number, feel free to use it. If you don't, well you're just not that important are you?

I'm Talkin To You

2006-04-16T14:53:00.000-05:00

Is it alright if I say T.I. is lookin ultra fine in this picture? (Not mine, straight jacked from Young Black and Fabulous)
I was listening to his album today, (you too can listen to King if you click the link on the sidebar) and I've gotta say, I'm impressed with the kid. The only song I skip is the one with Jamie Foxx, don't ask me why but I hate that shit. I have a few favorites though, I'm Talkin To You, Front Back, What You Know, Why You Wanna, Stand Up Guy...Ok if I keep going I'll name the whole album. It's a really good album and it's making me want to go back and listen to Urban Legend. No, I never listened to the whole album.
Notice, I never got around to that short hiatus I was talking about. Everytime I wanted to, something new popped up. I was on vaca, then Proof died, then I had to link to Technorati, then I had to freakin cough up the alternate ending so Moni (and the crowd of angry villagers) could get off my back.
Not much doing today, gonna pin my hair up, put on a cute skirt and go outside. I'm bored as blue fuck and there's no reason to spend the day in the house, feel me?
Happy Easter bitches.

Special Holiday Post

2006-04-15T23:07:00.000-05:00

Today is Easter.
Something else happens today, an annual event that happens to be overshadowed by the holiday. Today is Moni's berfday.
***HAPPY BERFDAY MONI!***
She was telling me how much today was going to suck, seeing as everyone is going to be in church. It's a Sunday, it's Easter, no one is really going to be calling or driving over to come see her. So Moni, I'm going to give you a slice of heaven for your berfday.
Yes...

Here it is...

...Ain't Gold Grand Finale (Alternate Ending)

Nicole, Toots, Lani, Chuchi and Cora clasped hands at Cora's request. They stood in a circle, heads bowed, as Cora recited a prayer.
"Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here, ever this day be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide. Amen."
"Amen," the girls answered, everyone turning to look at Nikki. "Thanks ma," she said.
"Anything for my baby. Today, the Lord is looking down on you and smiling, sweetheart. This is the most important day of your life. And you know you got the Good Lord sending an angel down to sit on your shoulder."
Nicole smiled at her mother and turned to ther sister. "Well, I guess its time for me to get dressed then, huh?"
The gown had been handpicked by Nicole from the Vera Wang Collection. It cost Rich an arm and a leg at four hundred grand but he never could say no when it came to his babygirl. It was a slinky number, and when tried on it looked like Nicole had poured herself into it. When she was finally in it, her mother helped her put on her tiara. She leaned over and whispered in her eldest daughters ear.
"Today is your day, baby. Make it count."

Rich was in the bathroom mirror conferring with his reflection as he shaved. "You a sexy nigga, man, you realy are. I mean, you always was, so there ain't really shit I could say like oh I remember when you was ugly, nah, I can't say that. You been fine since you popped out the pussy, you smell me?"
He lifted his chin and shaped up his goatee. "But today you lookin extra sexy. Can't nobody say shit about you today. Shit, you poppin tags like you designed that shit. I'm scared of you my nigga, I really am."
"What the fuck are you talkin about?"
Rich turned in time to see Mookie stand in the doorway behind him, giving him a concerned glance. "You aight son? You need a pill or somethin?"
Rich chuckled and rinsed the shaving cream off his razor. "I'm good. A nigga's all nervous and shit, so I'm in here tryna play it cool."
"Cold feet?"
"Ice blocks my nigga."
Mookie laughed and reached into his pants pocket and produced a little bag of sunshine. "I got the remedy, my nigga," he said, laughing.
Rich turned away from the sink and snatched the bag. Mookie made a couple of calls and within a few moments, they had a party going.

Upstairs, Nicole was freaking out. She had spent six months preapring for this day and now that it had come she was not ready for it. She stood in front of her mirror, wringing her hands, tears streaming down her face.
"What if he leaves me there? What if he's afraid to marry me and leaves me at the altar?"
Chuchi ran around in circles fanning Nikki's face. "Nicole, its going to be alright. You're just nervous. You're-"
"But what if something happens to my dress? What if I fall? Oh my God, this is all wrong. Somethin's gone happen, I know it."
"Nikki, it's going to be fine, would you relax?"
"I can't relax!" She looked at her mother and burst into a fresh round of tears. Cora looked over at Alanis and nodded.
Lani wanted to have an active part in the planning so Cynthia obliged and gave her a walkie talkie to be used in event of a crisis. This was most definitely a crisis.

Cynthia Weintraub took her job very seriously. She was not the type to slack, or give her client a half assed job. No matter how loud, or boisterous, or ghetto, they may have been, she was going to carry out her duties. They were cutting her some serious paper, and she was seriously going to deliver.
So when she knocked on the door of Room 303 (the honeymoon suite) she prepared herself for the worst. And she was not disappointed.
Cris cracked the door a bit, looked both ways, and when he was sure his visitor wasn't a threat, he pulled it open. "Yo, what up G-Ma?" he said.
"G-Ma? Excuse me?" Cynthia pushed her way inside, right into a blaze of smoke. Rich's eyes widened when he saw her because he knew the shit storm that was about to come down on his head.
"Mr. Knightley! I'm more than sure this is not what I want to see twenty minutes before your are to be married. You plan on arriving to your own wedding stoned? Look at these floral arrangements!" Cynthis fluffed a bunch of white roses in their vase.
"Ay yo, relax Grams, we got this," Mookie said.
"It's Cynthia. And didn't I give explicit directions that there was to be no smoking today? What is the matter with you?" Just as she was about to rip into them, her walkie talkie crackled.
"Cindy? It's Lani. We have a situation."
Cynthia's attention was diverted as she headed for the door. "What kind of a situation?"
"I think Nikki's having a nervous breakdown up here."
Her trot turned into a jog. "I'll be right there."

"Everything is in order, I trust?"
"We all set. We just waitin on the show to begin."
"Alright." There was a pause. "No fucking mistakes this time."
"Don't worry about it. There ain't gone be no mistakes."
"Hey."
"What?"
"How does she look?"
Another pause, this one in the final trimester of its pregnancy.
"She looks good."

Mookie watched the tiny woman dash out of the room before he put the blunt back to his lips. Then he removed a bottle of Chris Brothers from an undisclosed location and walked around so everyone (Rich, Cris, Tony B., and Ice) could tap the bottle. They did, and he poured a little poison for everyone.
"I never thought it could happen," he started sarcastically. "I always thought his royal pimpness would be single to the day he died, poppin his collar and shit."
"So did I," Ice shouted from where he perched rolling a joint.
"So when this nigga looked me in the eye and said, 'yo check it, I'ma marry her', ya'll know I had to clown a nigga. But you a better man than me, nigga. Just think: the same pussy for the rest of your life."
There were groans from all his boys at the thought of giving up their philandering. Rich smiled goodnaturedly and laughed right along with them. They could say what they wanted, but he was glad they were on his side. He looked around the room at the family that had held him down while he got established, loved him and all his flaws. They weren't just business partners, they were his brothers. Each and every last one of them.
Then Cris broke the mood into laughter by adding, "Just make sure you keep her and Shadow away from each other. We don't want no more bullets flyin."
Speaking of... Rich smiled and pointed, standing to find his phone. It was laying on the counter by the door; he grabbed it and went into the hallway. It rang twice before being picked up.
"Hello?"
Silence, the same as always, greeted him.
"You know the drill."
He heard a button.
"You are coming, right?"
Another button.
"Can you tell me where you are?" Someone tapped his shoulder and he whirled around, phone still glued to his ear. He hung up when he saw who it was. "How the hell do you do that?" He knew she wouldn't answer but he had been asking her rhetorical questions for years. Why stop now?
He fought the urge to hug her, instead taking a step back and looking at her in her halting beauty. She looked so different outside of her usual darkness. Instead of black, she wore the exact opposite, an all white tighter than tight leather suit and four and a half inch red fuck me pumps. Her black eye patch had been replaced with a white one and her cleavage threatened to revolt against her with each movement.
Richard was speechless. He knew she looked good but he didn't know she looked this good. He choked trying to find the words. "Ah-you-uh-well. You look really good."
She nodded an I know and reached into the matching white clutch in her hand. He knew she had a weapon in there, knives today, and wondered where her gun was. Probably hidden away somewhere on her body. She was good for that. She found what she was looking for and tossed it at Rich.
It was a bullet.
Not just any; the one the doctors had extracted after Nicole shot her. Rich wasn't sure he was going to see her again after that and this was the first time he had seen her since the frantic wedding planning began. She tossed the bullet at him and he caught it, understanding the gesture. It meant she was back. No hard feelings, don't sweat it, everything's a go. He nodded and smiled, she nodded as well and turned on her heel.

Cynthia opened a jar filled with what looked like crushed lavender petals and shoved it under Nikki's nose. With her other hand she spritzed her in the face with some Evian and fanned her gently. She whispered soothingly in her ear.
"I just went upstairs darling. Richard is more than ready for today. He's not leaving you, he's not having second thoughts. In fact, he sent this," Cindy prodcued a white rose, "and said to think of him."
Nicole took the delicate flower in her hands and smiled. Rich always bought her white roses. She smiled harder and clutched the flower to her chest. Her faith was renewed at the small gesture. She let Cynthia finish retouching her makeup.
"Well, if we're all done here, I think its time for you to go get married!"

Nicole's goddaughter was the flowergirl. The five year old had her work cut out for her as she stepped down the all white aisle tossing pink petals to the floor. Toots and Tony followed, Lani and Cris, and Chuchi and Ice. Nicole couldn't peek out before she walked out, she knew her nerves were going to be jacked up.
She made it to the aisle in record time. When she made it, Rich and his reassuring hazel eyed gaze were there waiting for her. He smiled and took his hand in hers.
"We are gathered here today to witness Richard Knightley and Nicole Baisden join together in Holy Matrimony. For this is the most powerful of bonds, based on love, respect, honor, and trust..." the preacher began.
"Trust," said a voice from the back. "The most powerful bond."
Rich looked down the row of people and frowned. He instinctively shoved Nicole behind him. Toots made a move forward, but he motioned for her to stay where she was. Nicole tapped his shoulder. "What's going on?"
"Sssh, Nikki," he hissed. Something had to be wrong, she reasoned in her mind. He had never spoken to her like that before. She stayed where she was. Who was this man interrupting her ceremony?
"I trusted you, Richard. Trusted you enough to allow you inside my home. Trusted you enough to introduce you to my family. And what did you do?"
"Maxell, this is not the time or the place."
Cora turned, her hands clasped firmly around Alanis. She wondered, like everyone else in the audience, just what the hell was going on.
"Oh, I think so. You've caused me many inconveniences in the past year and it's high time you pay for your crimes."
"We are not going to do this here. Not in front of my wife."
"She's not your wife yet."
Richard didn't want this to deteriorate into what he knew was going to be a SNAFU of epic proportions.
"My daughter. And my firstborn. My only son."
"Richard, what is he talking about? What's going on?"
Before he could answer, Maxell whipped out a pistol and aimed it at Richard. Nicole shrieked and tried to make herself disappear behind Rich, she was beyond afraid now. Toots raised her trigger finger and pointed it at Maxell. Maxell nodded and Mookie drew his weapons, pointing them at Toots. Shadow was up and had her own gun in Maxell's neck before any other words could be said. As soon as she stood, Cookie got behind her. Shadow trained a gun on the both of them. Rich exhaled, exasperated. And now it was a standoff.
"Mookie? What the fuck are you doing man?"
"Sorry fam. Money talks."
"Money talks? You my fuckin brother, man! How you gone do this shit to me?"
"Again, this is where trust comes in. Now you know how it feels to be betrayed."
"Mookie you betta get that shit out my face, nigga, for I put on in ya eye."
"Shut the fuck up, bitch. Ain't shit gone happen to me."
"Rich, what the fuck we doin man," Toots shout whispered.
"Just tell them to lower their weapons and this will all be over with," MAxell said, still aiming at Rich.
Shadow was itching for this to be over with. She had had a feeling this was going to happen but she couldn't say anything if she wanted to. Cookie's hands were shaking.
"Cookie, you too?"
"Shut up Rich. Just shut up and do what he says."
No one knows who fired the first shot but whoever was meant to be hit that day was laid out. Toots made good on her threat and Mookie was dead before he hit the floor. Shadow let off two shots, one into Cookie's heart and the other into Maxell's brain. The guests began to scream and uck for cover, most of them making it out of the door. Toots dove and tackled Nicole to the ground, protecting the girl as the bullets flew around them. The shot Maxell managed to let off skimmed Rich's neck, right under the tattoo of Nicole's name.
"Aah, shit!" Rich twisted and went down. He clutched a hand to his neck and that quickly began barking orders. "Toots, Shadow, get the fuck outta here, go, fore 5-0 get here!"
Cris and Tony hustled Cora, Alanis and Chuchi out of the church. When the shooting started, the had gone under the pews for cover. Cris found them clutching each other and crying.
"Baby!" Nicole crawled over to Rich and touched his face. "Are you okay? What happened? Oh, shit you're bleeding, let me see it, let me see it."
"It's just a scratch, I'll live."
"Somebody shot you Richard. Let me see it."
When the EMT's arrived a day late and a dollar short five minutes later, they found a strange scene. A man in a tux and a woman in a gown sat on the steps in the front of the church surrounded by three bodies. The man had a considerable amount of blood on his tux and the woman had some smeared on her dress.
Rich watched them jog up the aisle. He noticed Nikki's hands were shaking so he leaned over to Nicole and kissed her like he hadn't seen her in weeks. "I love you, baby, I really do."
"And I love you back. Who else would I go through this shit for?"
Rich smiled again as the EMT's came forward to see what had happened.
"Let's try this again in Jamaica, huh?"
Nikki rubbed his shoulder and lay her head on it. "I'll see you there."

(c) 2006
Jacki Simmons
All rights reserved.

Happy Birthday!!!

2006-04-15T15:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday post to my twin brothers, aka The Brats, who turn thirteen today. Now my mama officially has four teenagers in her house. Lord bless her.

Happy Easter

2006-04-14T20:19:00.000-05:00

Here comes Peter Cottontail
hoppin' down the bunny trail
Hippity hoppity
Easters on its way!"

NO, I will not be going to church.
NO, I will not be wasting my hard earned money on gifts I can buy when they are cheaper any other time of the year.
NO, I will not be inviting family members over for a big Easter dinner.
YES, I will be curling up with a bottle of Scotch, smoking as much as I possibly can before Monday gets here and I have to masquerade as a responsible adult.

It's a celebration, bitches. Enjoy yourselves.

Technorati

2006-04-13T22:42:00.000-05:00

Technorati Profile

Meme a Meme

2006-04-12T21:48:00.000-05:00

Six Weird Things About Me

1. I still suck my thumb faithfully and I'll be nineteen in six months. I never dropped the habit and if I don't work at it, I probably never will. It's comforting. So sue me.

2. I'm a firm believer that when you miss someone, doing things they usually do will make you feel closer to them or will even make them pop up. (i.e. listen to their favorite album and they'll call...It's tried, tested and most of the time, true.)

3. I have to have my personal effects a certain way. For instance, my cocoa butter can only be used from one side at a time. When that side is done, the other can be used. I hate having finger marks in the unused side of the cocoa butter. Or hair creme. Or anything else that must be applied using the fingers.

4. I eat M&M's peanuts. Instead of eating the entire candy, I spit the peanuts out. I have no idea what that's about, I just know its a weird thing about me.

5. I HATE feet. I do my own pedicures because I am scared to put my feet where someone else's toes have been. I don't let anyone touch my feet, nor do I offer to touch theirs. If you wear my socks/slippers, you might as well keep them. Don't touch my feet because that is the quickest way to get kicked in the face.

6. I can smell Degree deordorant from 500 miles away in one part air and I swear, it makes me nauseas. Every time. There are not very many things that smell worse than Degree deodorant. Don't ask, this is my list.

In Hip Hop News

2006-04-12T19:32:00.000-05:00

Proof, a member of the Eminem-fronted Detroit-based hip-hop sextet D12, was killed early Tuesday morning outside a Detroit nightclub in a shooting that left another man in critical condition.

According to a spokesperson for the Detroit PoliceDepartment, Proof (nee' DeShaun Holton) suffered a gunshot wound to the head at the CCC Club on East Eight Mile Road, near Gratiot Avenue. By the time police arrived just after 5 a.m., the club — which was operating illegally, after hours — had been cleared out, but several witnesses have come forward to discuss the incident with investigators.

Mario Etheridge, a 28-year-old bouncer at the CCC Club, where the shooting occurred, is now in custody, according to theDetroit Police Department.

Authorities have not released any more details but said Tuesday that several witnesses had pointed to Etheridge and that once police started to make contact, he turned himself in. A warrant is currently being filed for his arrest.

Police said Wednesday that evidence indicates Proof shot first and then suffered a gunshot wound to the head around 4:30 a.m. Tuesday. He was pronounced dead on arrival at St. John Holy Cross Hospital.

Another victim, 35-year-old Detroit resident Keith Bender Jr., also sustained a gunshot to the head and remains in critical condition at St. John Hospital and Medical Center.

Outside the precinct where Etheridge is being held, his lawyer, Randall Upshaw, said that his client "has done nothing wrong, and I'm confident the facts will come out."

Upshaw said Etheridge is cousins with Bender, and added that the latter is on life support and has suffered brain damage. He said the focus of the investigation should be on Proof, not Etheridge.

The CCC Club is located along Detroit's East Eight Mile Road. A makeshift memorial was set up there Tuesday to pay tribute to Proof.

I didn't want to be believe it when I heard it, then I saw it and I'm still shocked. When is this crap gong to end?

Just Popping In To Say...

2006-04-12T19:28:00.000-05:00

RIP June Pointer 1954-2006

LOS ANGELES- June Pointer, the youngest of the singing Pointer Sisters known for the 1970s and 1980s hits "I'm So Excited," "Fire," and "Slow Hand," has died, her family said Wednesday. She was 52. Pointer died of cancer Tuesday at Santa Monica University of California, Los Angeles, Medical Center, the family said in a statement. She had been hospitalized since late February.

To All My Stressed Sistas...

2006-04-11T18:39:00.000-05:00

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large
metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what
the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a
chair. Kill her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife" The
agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your
wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and
went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my
wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go
home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots
were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging
on
the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly
and
there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death
with the chair."

Urgent News Flash

2006-04-11T01:34:00.000-05:00

My new favorite hip hop shit is 50 Cent and Olivia's Best Friend. Yeah, I said it.

I will not be blogging for the next few days as I am trying to seriously focus on getting out of this nasty ass mood. I will see you loverly people in a few days. Keep the emails and encouraging shit coming, I need that.

Made You Look

2006-04-11T00:08:00.000-05:00

You may have noticed the various changes I've made on the site.

Advertisements? Yes, feel free to click on them. No seriously, click on them.

And the Map, on the bottom above the guest book? Leave a message and your location. I wanna know how many of you people read this and where you're from. Yeah, I'm nosy like that. Most of the people I know is from New York, so don't be pinning a whole bunch of flags to the NY part. If I know you from Castle Hill or Lincoln or Manhattanville or Riverton or Taino, I don't need your ass to remind me.

(Remember that shit by Busta, Gonna Make, with Janet? That song is still fire.)

Ok, yeah I think that's it. I start posting Don't Ask, Don't Tell on Monday.

Guess Who Loves You More?

2006-04-10T18:06:00.000-05:00

Word on the streets is
you gave me this walking papers and well,
I wanna be the man my daddy raised me to be,
my momma taught me to be,
see baby,

Guess who loves you more
Oh love guess who loves you more
than he did girl,
guess who treats you betta than he did,
me
girl me
That's right me
When you gon see
Wake up and see

Lady, lady, lady
My darling darling baby
I wanna restore your hope
Forget about the past,
this things gon last
Oh (for the tears you used to shed)
I wanna dry them (when you tossed & turned in bed)
I wanna rock you to sleep the right way,
what I'm tryna say is

Guess who loves you more
Oh love guess who loves you more
than he did girl,
guess who treats you betta than he did,
me
girl me
That's right me
When you gon see
Wake up and see

My love for you can never be measured
(ain't no doubt about it)
girl I treasure (girl don't you ever doubt it)
and each day
my love multiplies for you girl
as long as far as time is on my side
I'm gon be by your side baby
You're perfect in my eyes
You're my joy and pride

Guess who loves you more
Oh love guess who loves you more
than he did girl,
guess who treats you betta than he did,
me
girl me
That's right me
When you gon see
Wake up and see

It's me that loves you baby
Honest to god I do girl
I promise you that I'll cherish you
I'll love you protect you, grind for you
Yes I will honest to god I do
Said I'll grind for you
I love you baby I cherish you
You'll be my lady
Nothing will break our bond
Honest to god I do
Have faith in me I'll have faith in you
Keep & swear that's how much care
Oh baby I wanna love you
I care for you, you never never
never never
never never
never never
never never
never never
never never,
never got to worry no,
in fact I'm on my way right now to you

-Raheem DeVaughn

Let's Be Real

2006-04-09T14:02:00.000-05:00

Oh my God, its another Let's Be Real post! Shocking I know. Coming across various emails from the various newsletters I subscribe to, I have the feeling that this is not going to be let go any time soon. So since everybody is reaching for the cash register I might as well throw in my two cents.

Today's Topic: Urban Fiction vs. Mainstream Fiction
As a child, I was encouraged by my parents to become an avid reader. I can clearly remember my mother turning off the boob tube and saying "Go read a book." She still does it and I'm 18 freakin years old. She taught us what we needed to know and sent us on our way. There was no "Ma, what does that say?" It was "sound it out." She didn't baby us and therefore none of us are illterate.
I was in a third grade reading class in the first grade. I knew how to read and write by the time I was two and a half so I skipped headstart and kindergarten and went straight to first grade. (That blows because I never got to experience nap time.) In the third grade I read Charlotte's Web on my own, in the fourth grade I read The Oddessy and The Illiad on my own, in the fifth grade I finished The Phantom Tollbooth two months before everyone else, sixth grade I read Grapes of Wrath, All Quiet on the Western Front, Moby Dick, Treasure Island and A Tale of Two Cities. In eigth grade my English teacher tearfully confronted my mother because he just "didn't know what to do" with me. I had long since finished the assigned reading, Animal Farm, in the seventh grade, and he was disturbed that I could define totalitarianism, let alone spell it correctly.
What's the point I'm trying to prove here? I'm not bragging, tooting my own horn or polishing my nails. I'm stating facts. I've been exposed to the classics since the day I could read. My first collection of books was everything Dr. Seuss every wrote and now it's everything James Patterson ever wrote.
The first urban fiction book I ever read, and I'm sure I'm not alone here, was The Coldest Winter Ever by Sistah Souljah. I was blown away. It was a story unlike anything I had ever read before. I read because I loved to, I opened those pages and I was taken into a world I had never heard of, places I had never been. Then I opened Winter and something happened to me.
I was taken into a world I did know something about. Things started sounding real familiar to me. I knew what a drug dealer was, I knew a girl named Winter, I went to school with her. I knew, I understood. It was like someone had sat down in my hood and wrote about something I told one of my girlfriends a few summers back. It was real and I wanted more.
More came in the form of Vickie Stringer and Teri Woods with Let That Be The Reason and True To The Game. Where had these goddesses come from? In just a few short weeks, the oppressed French people and their bloody revolts had turned into the latest gunfight over a nigga coming up short with someone's paper. Then came the urban fiction explosion and everywhere you could see young girls with their faces buried in the latest creation from Triple Crown or Teri Woods Productions. Were we really worried about the explicit content? The illicit sex, drug use, heavy profanity and violence? Of course not.
Let's be real: Most of us were so goddamn happy that our kids were reading a book that we could care less what exactly it was that they were reading. We knew the deal; people were pissed that shelves once dedicated to Terry McMilian and Eric Jerome Dickey and Michael Eric Dyson were now going to the Chunichi's and the Anna J's and the Tracy Brown's.
Now personally, I am a fan of urban fiction. But like ANY genre, there is the good and there is the bad. There is good horror (Stephen King) and bad horror (LA Banks). There is good hip hop fiction (Black Artemis) and bad (Yasmin Shiraz). And as we all know there is good urban fiction (Sistah Souljah) and bad urban fiction (Nikki Turner, yeah, I said it!)
My question is this: Why is it that instead of clapping a brotha/sista on the back for finding their spot and doing something they do well, we must hate on each other and drag each other down? I don't like every book Terry McMilian has ever written but she is still one of my favorite AA authors. If urban fiction is a fad, so is horror, erotica, suspense, mystery and mainstream fiction on a whole. It is just another genre with good and not so good writers.
Granted, some of the plots are recycled, there is occasional bad editing and as we all know some of our brothas and sistas just can't write. But I know for a fact I would rather them influence my child through reading than I would through hustling on a corner, pimpin a ho, or stealing. The key is balance. You don't have to read every single urban effort released. And if you have a problem with it, don't pick it up! That's the beauty of America. If there's something you don't want to do, you don't have to do it. I will pick up a "white" book in a heartbeat. I can get down with Bonfire of the Vanities and American Psycho but I am also going to support my black authors and do it without someone jumping down my throat and telling me that I'm "smarter than that." Smart enough to tell you to back up out my face because they're my eyes and my mind and I read whatever I damn well please with 'em.
But don't lift your pipe and glasses and your Dickens and grumble about how "untalented", "uncreative", or "ignant" these writers are. Be happy that they are paving the way for black writers to write about whatever the hell they want to write about. Fifty years ago, it would have been a joke for a black wo/man to get their book published under an all white label. Now Simon and Schuster and St. Martin's Press are gobbling these authors up. Why? Becuase there is a market for them. People like to hear about things they can relate to. There would be no supply without a demand.
And I will gladly write to that.

Maintaining

2006-04-09T13:35:00.000-05:00

In a very nasty mood today.
It rained all day yesterday, that's my kind of weather right there. Today, it's all sunny and shit, and I'm really not feeling it. Ended up not even going to see ATL for reasons which I will keep to myself. Let's just say there was Easy Jesus involved.
Okay, I'm really trying to listen to this Lil Wayne album and it's not happening. I'm not impressed at all. I think I'm just gonna stick to the T.I. I knew there was a reason I stopped listening to rap and I think Weezy is that reason.
I can't shake this mood. It could be the PMS and I'm really hoping that's what it is. On the whole, I've been feeling really sucky for about a week now.
Why You Wanna is my favorite song off this album. And he gets really funny on that Stand Up Guy song. Whoda thunk T.I. had a sensitive side?
Decided to turn Ain't Gold into a full length novel. Don't really need to add much, but it's going to be longer and more full. I might switch a few thing, change the flow a little bit. But its still going to be good though.
Oy, this moody shit is killing me...

The Da Vinci Code and The Vindication of Dan Brown

2006-04-07T15:54:00.000-05:00

The Da Vinci Code author Dan Brown did not breach the copyright of an earlier book, London's High Court has ruled.

Michael Baigent and Richard Leigh, who wrote 1982 book The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail, sued Random House, publisher of both books.

Mr Brown said the verdict "shows that this claim was utterly without merit".

The ruling clears the way for the Da Vinci Code movie's release in May. Mr Baigent and Mr Leigh must pay 85% of Random House's costs of almost £1.3m.

Both books explore the theory that Jesus and Mary Magdalene had a child and the bloodline survives to this day.

Mr Baigent and Mr Leigh argued that Dan Brown copied their book's "central theme".

But the judge, Mr Justice Peter Smith, said The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail did not have a central theme in the way its authors suggested.

"It was an artificial creation for the purposes of the litigation working back from the Da Vinci Code," he ruled.

Dan Brown did use the previous book to write certain parts of his thriller, the judge decided, but did not substantially copy their work.

Mr Brown said he was "still astonished that these two authors chose to file their suit at all".

A novelist must be free to "draw appropriately" from historical works without facing a court and having his integrity called into question, he said.

"After devoting so much time and energy to this case, I'm eager to get back to writing my new novel."

Random House chief executive Gail Rebuck welcomed the judgement, saying: "We are pleased that justice - and common sense - have prevailed.

"It is highly unusual and very sad that these authors chose to sue their publishers, especially after 20 successful years."

We lost on the letter of the law, I think we won on the spirit of the law

Richard Leigh (left), co-claimant with Michael Baigent

The verdict was "very important for the future of creative writing in the UK", she added.

Mr Justice Smith ordered Mr Leigh and Mr Baigent to make an interim payment of £350,000 by 5 May and refused the authors permission to appeal.

Mr Leigh told reporters outside the court: "I think by its very nature, this case entailed a conflict between the spirit of the law and the letter of the law.

"We lost on the letter of the law, I think we won on the spirit of the law, and to that extent we feel vindicated."

Despite the judge's ruling, Mr Baigent and Mr Leigh said they intend to appeal.

The third author of The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail, Henry Lincoln, did not take part in the claim.

There had been fears that the Hollywood blockbuster of The Da Vinci Code, starring Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou, could be delayed if the ruling went the other way.

Film company Sony welcomed the result and said it would release the film as planned next month.

The Da Vinci Code is still in the UK top 10 book sales chart, while The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail is back in the top 40 thanks to the controversy.

Mr Justice Smith added: "It is a fact that the claimants' book sales have benefited from The Da Vinci Code (and this litigation)."

source: BBC News

Would it be really wrong of me to jump up in the air and say Hallelujah or Thank you Jesus? *Laughing*

Heavy Rotation

2006-04-07T14:45:00.000-05:00

April's edition of HR is slightly different than my usual medley.
T.I.-King: I've recently come into the T.I. camp and now that I'm here there is no turning back. I been down with a nigga since 24's and I didn't know who he was before then. But now he's all over the radio and I can't get enough of his lil scrawny ass. If all goes well I'll be going to see ATL this weekend.
All American Rejects-Move Along: Mama's still a rock head. No I haven't gone to get that Pink Floyd album yet but I surely will be going soon as I get a little bread in the basket.
Lil Wayne-Tha Carter II: Everybody is raving about this shit like Weezy is the second coming of Christ so apparently I'm going to have to get on down, bite the bullet and listen to it. That song DJ is still my ish so I'll be on that hard.
Dru Hill-Greatest Hits: This is a shockingly good compilation. I hate it when they put together songs that sucked and should never have made the final cut. All the songs (with the exception of one) are good. Even the extra cuts from Sisqo's effort (Incomplete is still my jam) are good.
Pink-I'm Not Dead: Though I haven't heard it yet, the title, aalbum art and her MO is enough to warrant a listen. I love me some Pink and if this album is anything like the other three I'm sure she won't disappoint. (Can't Take Me Home was the shit, M!sundaztood was the sit times two, Try This swayed a lil bit but didn't fall off and this one is going to be off the chain. Will return with a full review.)

I'm debating whether or not I should get an iPod. The Shuffle is tiny enough to carry all the music I could possibly listen to in a day and it's the cheapest by a long shot. My girl Dre just bought hers today (full size iPod and paid 350 for it, warranty included). I'ma cheap bitch and I'm not trying to be paying that much money for anything that isn't a shoe. But I think the Shuffle will go nicely with the phone I want to buy. Damn, I really need a sugar daddy.

You May Now Dismiss The Bride

2006-04-07T14:37:00.000-05:00

I've received various emails from my readers inquiring as to why it is that I posted the news of the Simmons divorce as opposed to the Mathers divorce. Cuz I felt like it bitches, that's why. Nah I'm kidding. In all seriousness, I was going to. And then I thought about it.
I'm not too keen on this "trying to do what's right by my daughter" bullshit. I hate it when people hide behind them bullshit ass excuses to try and justify their actions. You married the braod the first time because you probably did love her. Times got hard, shit hit the fan and ya'll got divorced. Ya'll got remarried because you thougt you could work shit out and be a family because as bad as you make Kim seem, you can't live without the bitch. Ya'll just don't need to be married. Wanna bet they stay together forever as a commonlaw couple? I got five on it.
Simmons don't run around making albums about Kimora like he ain't got no damn sense. (Now I ain't gone front like he didn't have me rollin' when he wrote Puke but still, come on. If she was a rapper she would probably hate you just as much.) Kimora and Russell are going to be civil for their kids sake, something Mr. Mathers and Kim just can't seem to do. I'm not an advocate for divorce but if you choose to walk that route, make sure your shit is kept quiet.
Happy now?

I, Love

2006-04-06T16:25:00.000-05:00

I, love
hereby solemnly swear
to always be there
Remember you first
for better or worse
I, love
promise to cherish and care
Protect you and share
your secrets and fears
And keep them right here
Right here in my heart
Always do my part
I, love
You

(c) 2006 JackithaRippa

This poem is a work in progress. Touch it and die, bitches.

Anywho, I had a fulfilling week. Mailed off my contracts yesterday morning. I mean today. The residuals from a very ugly hangover are still in my system. Nearly a quart of Sutter Home and SoCo and Jamaican Rum. Wow... I haven't been that drunk in a very long time. Not since I snuck out of the house at two in the morning with my shorty and we...well, you know. Let me say it like this: Usted tiene el mejor sexo cuando le beben y arriba. He he he...
Anywho, when I got over it I trooped over to his moms new crib in the Bronx and chilled with him and his baby brothers and sisters. There are six of them. Whoda thunk? They're all a bunch of cutie pies too. I missed him somethin crazy. Hadn't seen him in like two going on three weeks and guess who comes to visit?
The Crimson Tide.
Anywho, when I got over being pissed about that, I made it over there and chilled with them for the day. I was supposed to go over today and do it again but that didn't happen. I'm going shoe shopping tomorrow (damnit where's that advance) and my girl Dre needs me for a consultation. She's not a shoe person at all but she tries. So hard that she's going for her first pair of heels tomorrow. I got my first at twelve. Yes, of my own volition.
I think I'm gonna call my nigga Tony tomorrow and go see ATL. That would be fun. Moreso because the last movie I went to see was with my mom, who is a lot cooler when she wants to be than she usually is. I'm still technically on "punishment", seeing as she says I can't chill with L (Ha HA HAAA) but she'll get over it.
**Newsflash**
When my mama leaves for Georgia, turns out I won't be homeless. The lease has my name on it so as long as I'm a rent paying customer, I got me a place to stay. I'm going to rent out the other rooms and gouge. :) I'm lyin, I'm lyin. I'm going to be wrking by then so I have nothing to worry about, just split it down the middle three ways. Or I might charge them more because I've had to lve in this dump longer I don't know. Alls I do know is that I will be getting the entire apartment repaired after they leave.
Guess who's gonna be in summer school? Fuck. I know. I'm gonna actually get that diploma one of these days. I'm gonna have to do some serious hustling though, if I want to be writing and working at the same time.

I was thinking about my book release party, more appropriately, who's gonna be there. I don't know who I want there. My family? I am only known associates with my immediate family. So I'm guessing it would be Cam and her fam (her two brothers and her sister and her cousin), L and em ('and em' consists of about five people), Tony and em (I think that consists of about five people also), Dre and her people (about three people), my mama's people (that's her friends and a gaggle of people from her job), I guess my pops (he rolls solo), my baby bro's and whoever they wanna bring, and I guess that would be it. Notice, no aunts and uncles and sitant cousins twice removed on my mother's side. That side of the family doesn' know how to act.
Monica, would you fly up here for a book release party? Just think of it as me flying south for your wedding. :) Look at me, being all presumptuous. I hope the shit even sells. That's the most important thing here. I've got my peoples pumping me up because in the end it's really word of mouth that gets your shit sold.
Oh wait, Phantom of the Opera is on, I be right back.

Hoe Sit Down Award of the Week

2006-04-03T23:38:00.000-05:00

This week's award goes to Black Rob.

NEW YORK (Billboard) - Rapper Black Rob has been sentenced to seven years in prison for grand larceny in connection with a November 2004 hotel robbery. The artist, whose real name is Robert Ross, was caught on a security camera leaving a New York hotel with a woman's purse. Authorities said he pocketed more than $6,000 in the theft.
The rapper pleaded guilty to criminal possession of stolen property last November and was sentenced to two to six years in jail. Although he was free on bail, Ross never reported for sentencing in January and was eventually arrested in February in New Jersey.
In 2000, Ross was jailed for third degree criminal possession of a weapon and a probation violation. His sophomore album, The Black Rob Report, was released in October 2005 by Bad Boy/Atlantic and debuted at No. 7 on Billboard's Top Rap Albums chart.

Niggers don't never learn do they?

Missing You...

2006-04-03T11:47:00.000-05:00

I'm frontin
Like I don't miss your face
That 'get on over here' smile
Or that
'Damn! I missed you' embrace
I'm lyin
When I tell the girls
it's cool
They know better
It's showing on my face
I'm tryna play them for some fools
I don't know
How much longer I can do this
This not seeing you
I know that we've been through this
I understand
That you're busy and Sh*!
But I remember the days
when you made time for a B*!@%
I miss those late night phone calls
The wake up ones too
I miss them things that made me carve your back up like I do
I'm sittin here all alone
Not answering my goddamn phone
Unless it's you on the other line
This lonliness is taking my mind
I keep looking to see if I've missed your call
I haven't missed as thing at all
Except your kiss
your touch
your hug
That scar on the left side of your mug
I keep wanting this to end
This Sh*! is true
I need you right 'bout now
Can't you tell?
I'm missing you

JackithaRippa © 2006

Take A Hint...

2006-04-03T07:47:00.000-05:00

To all ya'll slow ass niggas that didn't get the point when I stopped answering, I got my phone back. If you make any jokes, laugh, smile or any of that shit when you call me and ask what happened I swear to God I will hang up on you.

Honey Dip

2006-04-03T07:05:00.000-05:00

So my Jim Jones, uh, addiction, for lack of a better word, I guess is still going strong. I don't know what it is but I listen to that album every single day since I bought it. Literally. I bought it in like, December, and I still gets down with it at least twice a day. What is that about? I'm not sure exactly. I guess he's good when I'm pissed (which is my normal mood) cuz when I put him on real loud in the headphones I feel a lot better.
(I ain't on some hubby shit, that lovey dovey shit) Sorry, will be quoting random Honey Dip lyrics as this post progresses. So speaking of honey dips, I ain't seen mine in what is a slow forever. I know he's working, but come the fuck on. I haven't seen him in like two going on three weeks. I spoke to him on the phone but the last time I spoke to him was like fuckin Wednesday. I told him to call (Plus she know every Santana song and she don't mind puttin this damn bandanna on) me at midnight and his ass couldn't do that. So I call him and he ain't answering his damn phone. What the fuck am I supposed-Hold on, before I get pissed. Woosa...(Flipped open the horn like where's my honey dip?)
I don't like this don't-stay-in contact-wit-ya-shorty shit. That ain't my steelo. Now I ain't the type of bitch to flip if you don't call for a day or two but when you go from talkin to your man every night to not seeing him for days at a time and not even having a fucking attempt at a goddamn phone call (Who's flyer when I step in got em spyin every second cuz that 0-6 charger remind em of a seven) you get kinda pissed.
(I got me a lovely chick, I got me a slutty chick, I got em all but my favorite one is my honey dip, she get drunk wit me, roll the piff up wit me, throw singles at other hos in the strip club wit me)
Speakin of fucked up shit, guess who in red hell called me the other night? You're right if you thought Mr. PPV. With his triflin ass. Called me like we're still people's and shit. I told his bitch ass I don't do the disappearing act shit. (See, the same is for L but I am actually feelin this nigga enough to give a shit whether we're together or not; Yes ma'am I'm so fresh the pro mess with bread honey, my jeans eight hundred these are called Red Monkey) So he's like hey what's up, I thought it was this nigga Steff but then I was like wait he don't know my real name and their voices sound a hella lot alike.
PPV: Hey how are you?
J: I'm good, you?
PPV: Are you busy?
J: Well, I'm eating.
PPV: Oh, okay. I just wanted to call and touch base with you, I know we haven't spoken in a while.
J: (dripping with sarcasm) Sure haven't.
(When I'm dippin on the grind I get my money quick, but sometimes I wanna lay up with my honey dip)
PPV: Yeah, I took a two month leave of absence, I had to go down South and take care of some things. I couldn't remember your number for shit.
J: Huh. (I wanted to ask him who he was fuckin down there, cuz he sure be down there alot)
PPV: (now his ass is nervous) Well have you moved on? Have you found somebody new?
Sidebar: For the very first time I didn't know what to say. I'm gonna be real with ya'll; I hooked up with L about three days after I last saw PPV and I haven't given his ass a second thought since then. I was tempted to say damn right muthafucka! But my mama happened to be sitting right next to me and I didn't deem it appropriate at the time. So I gave the ambiguous answer:
J: We'll talk.
PPV: Oh okay. So um, let me call you back tomorrow afternoon.
J: Okay, I'll talk to you then.
Needless to say I'm still waiting on that phone call. (And bitch, fuck your man tonight, you know my steelo, sizzurp wit the the Cristal, the corners playin Ceelo, you see me, well you just smile, you know we on the lee-low, or whippin thru the town like we ballin up a kilo)
Niggas is so fuckin shady.
Hit my cell, hit my two, now I'm wit my honey dip.

In Hip-Hop News

2006-04-01T18:02:00.000-05:00

The marriage of hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons and his model-turned-entrepreneur wife, Kimora Lee, has come to an end.
In a statement provided to The Associated Press on Friday, Simmons announced the pair had decided to break up after seven years of marriage. Rumors had swirled for the past week that a split was imminent. The couple have two young daughters.
"Kimora and I will remain committed parents and caring friends with great love and admiration for each other," Simmons said. "We will also continue to work side by side on a daily basis as partners in all of our businesses."
Simmons is head of Rush Communications, but is perhaps better known as the co-founder of Def Jam Records and for his Phat Farm clothing line. In recent years, he has become more involved in politics, and helped to create the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network.
Over the years, Kimora Lee Simmons has become almost as famous as her husband, thanks to her successful Baby Phat clothing line and her glamorous diva persona, which has been documented in numerous magazine spreads.
Although the pair have appeared at public events together in recent weeks, the statement said they had been separated for "some time," even though they were still living together.

This is very interesting. So Mrs. Black-when-it's-convenient-for-me has finally dropped Mr. I-can't-read but-hey-look-at-my-trophy-wife. I wonder just how long "some time" really is. I feel for those kid thoguh. Wow... So much for fabulousity.

"Thank You So Much For The Dance And It Was Wonderful To Meet You"

2006-04-01T17:45:00.000-05:00

So I'm watching Wedding Crashers today...Still in an interesting not quite good, not quite bad mood.
Jonesin...
I put my nails back on, I missed them so much...
I got my phone back and I'm on a call right now. I'm getting ready to cut it short though cuz the person on the other end is pissin me off...
In an interesting pickle with the publishing situation right now. Trying to straighten it out because according to me, money ain't everything but it sure is alot of things... It's a matter of hurt feelings and I'm tryin to act like I care which is hard, cuz I don't...
And NO! No alternate ending!

As you can see, I truly have nothing to talk about so I'm just going to cut this post a little short...

Okay, Wait, Let Me Explain

2006-03-30T16:11:00.000-05:00

To the angry mob that stormed the forts and broke down the walls, trying to get the knights to throw my body over the parapets, please allow me to explain myself.
People, how could you not see this coming? The name of the story is Ain't Gold. You had to have figured it out that Maxell was going to hit them hard at the end of the story. Come on!! But wait, then again, I did change the ending a few months ago so yeah, I might have thrown you off. But anywho, you all know I'm not fond of happy endings. All that glitters ain't gold, is the moral of that story. So please, put down your torches and pitchforks and back down for my sakes.
You think I wanted to kill them? Of course not. I had such a crush on Rich, I really did. And I know we were all rooting for him and Nikki to make it to the altar fine well and good. But which ending is more shocking, more explosive, more exciting? I did say that you weren't going to be prepared so you gotta blame yourselves. If it makes you feel better the next story is going to be rather interesting. He he he...

Stand Up Award

2006-03-30T15:56:00.000-05:00

NEW YORK -- Volatile supermodel Naomi Campbell, one of the world's most recognizable faces, was charged with second-degree assault Thursday after cracking her housekeeper in the head with a phone during an argument in her Park Avenue apartment, police said.
The British-born Campbell, 35, was taken into custody shortly after police responded to Lenox Hill Hospital to investigate the reported assault, police said. Campbell was charged after questioning at the Midtown North Precinct, where scores of photographers, reporters and film crews awaited her exit.
This was not the first time that Campbell allegedly reached out and touched someone with a phone. In 2003, the supermodel was sued by a former administrative assistant who alleged that Campbell had thrown a phone at her during a tantrum two years earlier
According to police, Campbell's 41-year-old housekeeper received four stitches to the head at the hospital after the incident. When investigating officers arrived at Lenox Hill, the alleged victim identified Campbell as her attacker, police said.
The victim was not identified. The incident allegedly happened around 8 a.m. Thursday in Campbell's tony Park Avenue apartment, police said. In a statement, a Campbell spokesman said the supermodel was not responsible for any assault.
"We believe this is a case of retaliation, because Naomi had fired her housekeeper earlier this morning," said the statement from J.R. Johnson. "We are confident the courts will see it the same way."
Campbell was discovered at age 15 and launched a career that landed her in magazines worldwide — including the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. The international modeling sensation appeared in several films, and dabbled in a musical career.
The mercurial Campbell has a reputation for angry outbursts and abusive behavior. In addition to the 2003 lawsuit, Campbell pleaded guilty three years earlier in Toronto to an assault charge for beating another assistant while making a film in Canada in 1998.
She also battled a cocaine addiction before getting straight several years ago. (source Associated Press)

This is precisely why I love this girl so much. She is an ass whipper. ( Looks like she stole a page from Russell Cowe's book, huh?)

...Ain't Gold (Part Thirty) Grand Finale

2006-03-28T21:07:00.000-05:00

"If you don't put that cigarette out, I swear to God, voy a matarle. Cual es su problema? What the hell?" Chuchi snatched the cigarette from a visibly shaky Nicole. Why did she have to get cold feet now? Nicole reached out for her smoke but Chuchi hissed and dropped it into an empty bottle of Poland Spring. "Here, chew this."
Chuchi popped a Listerine Breath Strip and an Altoid and shoved them in Nikki's mouth. She winced as the strong combination of breath mints stung her tongue. She was standing in her hotel room with her arms out as her family and friends flitted around her, preparing her. Toots stood behind her, foot in her back, tightening the bustier she was to wear under her gown. When that was done, Cora and Chuchi carried out her gown: a hundred thousand dollar white Vera Wang, dripping in diamonds. Nicole closed her eyes and the two slid the dress on her. It fell perfectly. Lani passed her the tiara. When she turned around there was a collective gasp. She was indeed a bad ass bride.

Rich cut quite a picture in his custom made Enzo tuxedo. Fresh hair cut, clean face and two diamonds blinged in each ear. He smiled at himself, like a kid on his way to senior prom. Not that he had made it to his senior prom but if he had, then he was sure he would have looked just as good then as he did now. Looks like his took time to cultivate. Fortunately, he was born fine.
He wondered what Nikki's gown looked like. He had tried to sneak up there and check them out a little while ago but the girls had all but chased him out, throwing things and giggling. He slammed the door shut and bolted before they could chase him. Mookie had one job: get the tuxes, and he did it well.
"You ready for that journey to forever, patna?" Mookie called from behind him. "Here. I figured you'd want one." He handed Rich a shot of something dark and Rich identified it as he knocked it back. Tequila.
"Make it three and I'll meet you downstairs." He hated to admit his hands were shaking on his special day, hated it that Cool Hand Rich was nervous, but he knew the alcohol would shut him right on down. He'd feel much better. He winked at Nikki in his mind and put his jacket over his shoulder.

"Everything is in order, I trust?"
"We all set. We just waitin on the show to begin."
"Alright." There was a pause. "No fucking mistakes this time."
"Don't worry about it. There ain't gone be no mistakes."
"Hey."
"What?"
"How does she look?"
Another pause, this one in the final trimester of its pregnancy.
"She looks good."

"Now, steady, everyone, do you remember your places? I want you to remember your places!" Cynthia shouted at the men milling around the suite. She had gone from upscale weding planner to royal pain in the ass. Mookie was smoking and she promptly grabbed his cigar and broke it in half, stomping over to the toilet and tossing it inside. "Yo, Rich, tell this-"
"Ah ah ah ah," Rich interrupted. He knew Mookie was going to say "bitch" but he couldn't let him do that. He waved at Cynthia to continue.
"No smoking!" she growled. "I am going to go check on the bride's progress, in that time, I want you all dressed and downstairs in the limo's!"
"Aight, we heard you," Cris said. This uppity broad was annoying him and he knew that he wasn't the only one. Why couldn't Nikki hire a sista?
Mookie shook his head and made sure Cynthia was gone. Then he removed a bottle of Chris Brothers from an undisclosed location and walked around so everyone (Rich, Cris, Tony B., and Ice) could tap the bottle. They did, and he poured a little poison for everyone.
"I never thought it could happen," he started sarcastically. "I always thought his royal pimpness would be single to the day he died, poppin his collar and shit."
"So did I," Ice shouted from where he perched rolling a joint.
"So when this nigga looked me in the eye and said, 'yo check it, I'ma marry her', ya'll know I had to clown a nigga. But you a better man than me, nigga. Just think: the same pussy for the rest of your life."
There were groans from all his boys at the thought of giving up their philandering. Rich smiled goodnaturedly and laughed right along with them. They could say what they wanted, but he was glad they were on his side. He looked around the room at the family that had held him down while he got established, loved him and all his flaws. They weren't just business partners, they were his brothers. Each and every last one of them.
Then Cris broke the mood into laughter by adding, "Just make sure you keep her and Shadow away from each other. We don't want no more bullets flyin."
Speaking of... Rich smiled and pointed, standing to find his phone. It was laying on the counter by the door; he grabbed it and went into the hallway. It rang twice before being picked up.
"Hello?"
Silence, the same as always, greeted him.
"You know the drill."
He heard a button.
"You are coming, right?"
Another button.
"Can you tell me where you are?" Someone tapped his shoulder and he whirled around, phone still glued to his ear. He hung up when he saw who it was. "How the hell do you do that?" He knew she wouldn't answer but he had been asking her rhetorical questions for years. Why stop now?
He fought the urge to hug her, instead taking a step back and looking at her in her halting beauty. She looked so different outside of her usual darkness. Instead of black, she wore the exact opposite, an all white tighter than tight leather suit and four and a half inch red fuck me pumps. Her black eye patch had been replaced with a white one and her cleavage threatened to revolt against her with each movement.
Richard was speechless. He knew she looked good but he didn't know she looked this good. He choked trying to find the words. "Ah-you-uh-well. You look really good."
She nodded an I know and reached into the matching white clutch in her hand. He knew she had a weapon in there, knives today, and wondered where her gun was. Probably hidden away somewhere on her body. She was good for that. She found what she was looking for and tossed it at Rich.
It was a bullet.
Not just any; the one the doctors had extracted after Nicole shot her. Rich wasn't sure he was going to see her again after that and this was the first time he had seen her since the frantic wedding planning began. She tossed the bullet at him and he caught it, understanding the gesture. It meant she was back. No hard feelings, don't sweat it, everything's a go. He nodded and smiled, she nodded as well and turned on her heel.

Nicole wrang her hands as she fought the urge to say fuck you Chuchi! and get another cigarette. She and Rich had picked-okay she had picked-Boyz II Men's That's Why I Love You to walk to. Here it was time to go and she was sick to her stomach. Her mother had already gone down and it was time for Lani to go.
"You're gonna be fine, mama! Just go out there and get married!" She kissed her sister's cheek, granned her bouquet and ran out to meet Cris. They walked and then it was Chuchi's turn.
"I love you sis. Now get it together and get out there." Toots blew her a kiss as well and disappeared.
She had opted to walk down the aisle on her own and now that all eyes were on her, she wished to God that she hadn't. Her stomach was working overtime against her and she dry heaved. Cynthia rushed behind, just in time. She had a WetNap in one hand and a bottle of Evian spray in the other.
"No no no no, no fainting today." She sprayed the water in Nikki's face. "Get out there, my dear and get married!" The spritz made her feel better. She nodded towards Cynthia and took her bouquet in her hands. Cynthia gave her a slight push. Nicole took a deep breath and walked out.
When he saw his future wife, Richard thought he would be the one to faint. She looked like an angel. He hated terrible cliches, but she really looked like she had floated down from heaven. He saw the corners of her eyes misting up and smiled at her. Just make it to the altar baby, then we a go from there.
Nikki made it to the altar.
Reverend Donavan McNeil opened his mouth after the two stood before him, hands joined. "Brothers and sisters, we are gathered here today to join the union of Richard Knightley and Nicole Baisden." By the time he got to the "If there is anyone here that objects to this union," part, they were both ready for this to be over. They wanted to be back in the hotel suite, ripping each others clothes off. It was in their eyes.
"By the power veted in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride."
Rich smiled and pulled Nicole into a deep kiss that lasted several seconds. The crowd of about two hundred and fifty erupted into hoot and hollers of surprise and joy. The happily married couple turned around and prepared to face the world for the first time as man and wife. Cora smiled happily, Toots pumped her fist in the air and Lani clapped happily. Even Shadow managed to crack a smile from where she sat in the back.
And then all hell broke loose.
She didn't know what went wrong exactly, but there were loud popping noises and screams. She saw Shadow panic and move forward, a gun in each hand. Shadow was shooting at someone close to her, but she couldn't see who. Something sharp hit her in the stomach and Nikki knew the nervous cramps had returned. Where had Rich gotten the gun from? Shadow turned and threw something and someone fell.
Her mother and sister had ducked for cover and were one of the few people trying to get up on stage and get Nikki to safety. Toots, Rich, Shadow and Cris were firing away like there was no tomorrow. They were shooting at...Cookie? What the hell was she doing here? And Mookie? What was going on? Before she knew what had gone terribly wrong, four very well placed shots met their mark. Shadow saw where they were going and tried to get there first.
She shouted, and shocked everyone as she did. No one cared though. They cared about the dive she made. Toots saw what she had seen and shouted as well. She laid Mookie down before she did though, and Cris managed to get Cookie in the leg before she hit him in the shoulder. The next few moments went by like slow motion in a bad movie.
Rich stumbled into Nicole and dragged her down with him. Shadow was a pro in her pumps and dropped to her knees by their sides. She ripped open Rich's tux and her worst fears were confirmed. His eyes were open, staring at her. He smiled as she put her mouth to his to perform CPR. In her heart of heart's, she knew it was too late.
Toots put her finger in Nicole's neck. "She can't be hit, you can't be hit, ma." She rolled Rich to the side gently. The bullet had passed through him and hit her square in the chest. The perfection of the dress they had raved over a few short hours ago was marred by the flower of blood spreading across her chest. She gasped out a cry, less than a shriek, something like a scream. Toots grabbed her gun and checked the chamber. Her sister lay fifty feet away, writhing in pain from her wound.
She stood over her body and spoke to her for the last time.
"Toots, let me explain, chica."
"Explain what?" she said in a voice calmer than the fire raging inside of her. "Hay un lugar especial en el infierno para usted, puta." She emptied the clip into her sister and walked away.
The police were going to surround the place any second now and they couldn't get caught with all these guns around them. They had to get out. "Shadow, come on. Help me get Cris." The two girls dragged their wounded friend out the back of the church, kicking the carnage out of their way as they went. Ice was outside, Lani and Cora in his car. He had herded them out when the first shots were fired so he had no idea what went on in there.
"Toots! What the fuck, ma! What happened?" He took one look at Shadow's bloodstained suit and opened his mouth in horror. Cora saw the suit as well and passed out. Lani banged her hand against the back window. Toots refused to answer her. She slapped the back of Ice's truck and told him to get the hell out of there. She and Shadow disappeared into teh day that had become the blackest either of them had ever known.
She didn't even have a plan. She didn't know where to go. Shadow was strangely composed as she navigated her way through the city streets. She took her back to her place, a place no one, not even Rich, knew about. Shadow undressed Toots and wrapped her in a blanket. She was numb to everything and knew she would have to wake up soon. But not now. Not now. At eight o'clock that night, she and Shadow sat together silently and held hands as they watched the news.

Maxell watched the same report from his swank digs upstate. If everythign went well, they would be the headline news. He turned up the volume.
"A wedding turns into the scene of a violent massacre today and both the bride and groom are gunned down. Richard Knightley and his wife, Nicole Knightley, had literally just been pronounced man and wife when they were gunned down in front of a church full of guests. Police are not sure if this is a gang related shooting. An unidentified man and woman were also found dead. There are no details at this time. Anyone with information to this hideous crime in advised to please call 1800 876 TIPS at this time."
Maxell leaned his head back, opened his mouth and laughed. He laughed hard and long, as if he were watching some sort of a comedy marathon. His greatest enemy and threat was now dead. He could go back to ruling his city with an iron fist. The man had crossed him, and now he had returned the favor.
And that felt damn good.

2006 (c) Jacki Simmons
All rights reserved.

Hustler's Ambition

2006-03-28T13:32:00.000-05:00

The site is about to become strictly promotion. Seriously.
I am going to be reviewing a contract later this week and if everything is well then I will be getting my hustle on, for real for real. I have a few reviews from a few different people but I am about to start sending out the Jacki Simmons Experience Package, details to follow. I'm a hustler at heart and I don't have much of a problem selling myself (when I am in the right mind which is usually after a steadying chat with my close personal friend and spiritual advisor, JW). But I'm not too fond of people, as you all know, which can be a barrier in this business. So I have come up with a plan. Of course I'm not going to tell it here, so you can jack it.
I've spoken to a lot of published authors since my run at novel writing and they have all given me a lot to chew on. There are so many things about the literary industry that I am not ashamed to admit my ignorance of. But then again it is great to have people on your side, willing to share the good, bad and ugly with you. So I guess meeting new people ain't all that bad after all.
I have a few loyal readers on this site and you know if you don't hook me up I'm gonna pimp slap you to high heaven. So send me an email with your complete address and I will send you the package. You all have my email, if not look it up in the profile. This is gonna be such fun.

Oh, I have another present for you ...Ain't Gold Finale, tonight. :) When? I can't tell you. I just gotta keep you on your toes. It could be five minutes from now, five hours from now. Just know that the end is very near.

Hoe Sit Down Award of the Week

2006-03-26T23:56:00.000-05:00

NEW YORK (Billboard) - World Wrestling Entertainment -- better-known as the WWE -- is ramping up its music initiatives with the formation of the WWE Music Group.

The New York-based operation will concentrate on further connecting the WWE brand with mainstream and under-the-radar music via multimedia platforms.
The WWE Music Group officially kicks off April 2 when WrestleMania 22 commands the stage of Chicago's Allstate Arena.
Michelle Williams of Destiny's Child will be on hand to perform "America the Beautiful"; rock band P.O.D. will perform wrestler Rey Mysterio's entrance theme.
Peter Gabriel's "Big Time" is the event's theme.
The sold-out event will be available via pay-per-view and as a webcast at wwe.com. To be sure, the WWE reach is far and wide. Its RAW and SmackDown brands (weekly TV shows, PPVs, tours) are household names in more than 100 countries.
Still, even with these numbers, many do not take the WWE brand seriously. In fact, one of general manager Neil Lawi's priorities is to educate major and indie labels, artist managers and music publishers about the ways WWE champions music.
"There has always been a musical element to WWE," says Lawi. "Now, we're taking a more music-centric approach to everything we do."
In the process, the WWE brand is becoming more of a full-fledged entertainment company, encompassing music, TV, film, the Internet, ringtones and videogames.
POP-CULTURE PUSH
WWE executive VP of TV production Kevin Dunn and Lawi stress that, like the music industry, WWE is about entertainment. With its new music division -- and with the help of in-house talent and established artists -- their aim is to push the WWE brand further into pop culture.
Last spring, WWE champion John Cena scored a hit with his hip-hop debut, "You Can't See Me." Credited to John Cena & Tha Trademarc, the WWE/Columbia album debuted at No. 15 on the Billboard 200, No. 10 on the Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums chart and No. 3 on Top Rap Albums. It has sold 292,000 copies, according to Nielsen SoundScan.
Music World Entertainment's Mathew Knowles, who manages Williams' career, says tag-teaming his artist with WWE made sense. "WrestleMania has been changing and evolving over the years," Knowles says. "It's become a multicultural, family event -- and that is attractive to us."
Every time WWE works with a mainstream act, like Williams or P.O.D., any stigma associated with WWE is further wrestled to the mat.
P.O.D. has worked with WWE on more than one occasion. Most recently, the group's "Boom" opened WWE's return to NBC with the March 18 two-hour special, "Saturday Night's Main Event."
In May, WWE/Columbia will issue "Wreckless Intent," a compilation featuring P.O.D., Three 6 Mafia, Killswitch Engage and others performing the entrance themes of WWE's superstar wrestlers.
Four months later, 20th Century Fox and WWE Films will release "The Marine," a feature film starring Cena. It will be accompanied by a WWE soundtrack through a label partner yet to be determined. Meanwhile, Lilian Garcia -- the ring announcer for "RAW" -- is working on an album with producers George Noriega (Ricky Martin) and Tim Mitchell (Shakira).
(source: Reuters/Billboard)

Seriously, why are-whose idea-what kinda foolishness-I don't even know where to go with this post.

Downward Spiral

2006-03-26T23:29:00.000-05:00

So after I had a few drinks in me the Boarder and I sat down and got to it and actually had a decent conversation. Albeit it was about the state of events at my residence, which, as of late, have become quite abominable.
I was wallowing in my cerveza and wondering to myself just how bad I could let things get. I mean, I am really pissed at myself right now. This whole bad episode last summer/not graduating/dying to get the blue fuck outta here situation is putting a strain on this pretty face.
If I had a car, I swear I'd be driving until the gas ran out. I wish I could just hop in the car and get away, just me, myself and the vechicle. I mean, I can do that with Tah, but I would much rather be all alone, just me and my thoughts.
I'm planning a coup against my mother. Does that sound wrong? The overthrow of her empire? Okay, maybe that's me being a little bit dramatic but seriously. Something has to be done about the craziness around here. I am sressed to the point of breaking and that is not good for my skin Three stress rashes in just under two days? WTF?

Yeah...

2006-03-24T23:57:00.000-05:00

That whole quitting smoking thing is so overrated...I'll get around to it one of these days...Stressed spells desserts backwards, stressed spells desserts backwards...

At Green:
Thanx a lot mama, your encouragement and support is one of the reasons I have made it this far. Since coming to C2C you are one of the people that has constantly kept me on my toes and made me remember just what it is about writing that I love so much. Your money's no good here, expect an autographed copy in the mail :)

Hollymood Swingin

2006-03-24T23:29:00.000-05:00

I'm pissed.
I plan on being pissed for another few days or som. Or whenver I snap out of this blue funk. I know I'm supposed to be emitting a positive odor, being that I just had a very positive thing happen, but I am just not feeling life at the moment.
I haven't seen L in a week and I'm jonesin.
I need a drink.
I need to go therapeudic (is that how you spell that word? I highly doubt it) shoe shopping.
I need a taller drink.
I got my hair washed today and its pissing me off more because it keeps falling into face and that shit gets real old real fast.
Johnnie would be lovely, thank you.

I am still planning that imaginary trip to the Bahamas. I'm gonna go by hook or by crook. I have no idea what I'll do out there, but I'm planning it anyway. I'm sure the hotels have serious AC action going on.No, I'm not gonna spend the entire trip in the air conditioner.
I had some cerveza last night and it made me feel even worse. I keep forgetting that alcohol is a downer. Most of the time I feel so much damn better after a drink thatit totally slips my mind. But there has been a cloud hanging over my head for the past few days.
Maybe it's my imminent return to school...Hmm...Or the factr that I need a job...and a car...and an apartment...and a life...
Let me get out of here before I start depressing people...
Jesus I am in a bad mood.

Miscellaneous Thoughts: Pre-Sunup Edition

2006-03-23T01:17:00.000-05:00

I'm up rather early this evening seeing as I have no phone.

I need to lose twenty pounds before Moni's wedding. Well damn, before my mama's wedding so I don't f*ck up the pictures. I'm her maid-of-honor and I want these shots to come out looking halfway decent.

I should really stop stalling on the learner's permit tip.

Why can I hear your Bleep from the fourth floor at this time of the night? Seriously?

Why don't we have an elevator in this building? I was just thinking about that.

Who else is going to see Waist Deep with Tyrese and the Game's fine ass?

Speaking of movies I saw Steve Harvey's Don't Trip, He Ain't Through With Me Yet last night...Hil-a-ri-ous. I don't know how he made it through that whole hour without not one cuss, but he did it. I was this close to tears.

I'm on a rock and roll trip out. I'm going to Tower Records to get a Nirvana and a Pink Floyd album within the week. Wow...Never thought I'd see the day. Not to mention I've been playing All American Rejects and Greenday like crazy for the past few days. What is happening to me? Oh wait...the death of hip-hop, aka D4L/Dem Franchize Boyz/K.Fed. Never mind.

I'm about to take it waaaaay back with this Juelz From Me To You album. I feel so...Ninth grade.

Mentally planning that trip to the Bahamas

Watched Good Night and Good Luck the other night. Very good. I recommend it to those of you that watch those kinds of movies (aka not you RubbabandMan)

Speaking of "those kinds of movies" has anyone seen Capote? Feedback please.

Watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith today. Yes, again. And Edward Scissrohands. And Finding Nemo. And Kill Bill. So no, I pretty much didn't leave the room at all.

Will be leaving the room tomorrow. Well, later on today.

I quit smoking again.

Forget Forrester, Find Me

2006-03-22T23:43:00.000-05:00

Hola my pplz.
So I got that email back from Melodrama today, expressing interest in offering me a publishing contract. You know my lil black ass was all too happy. Was? Sorry, typo. Is. I just opened my email a little while ago and I am just now calming down after having a near fatal heart attack. And the blog is the only method of communication I have as of right now, seeing as I am phoneless and Yahooless.
So before I start gushing, I need to move on to more pressing matters. Seeing as I'm still writing three -wait four- novels at once I really need to slow down and start thinking about my future outside of writing, feel me? I still need to take that impulse trip to the Bahamas this summer and I'll be damned if I don't look good doing it.
I've always loved writing, since I could get the pen in my fat ass fingers. But I was thinking to myself about the backup plan kind of thing. I'm not the kind of person that doesn't have a back up plan and if this writing thing doesn't go as planned, I need to have an alternate source of income.
I'm still doing the cooking thing, pump your brakes, we all know I'm the Queen of the land that is Multitasking, but I will feel much better knowing that when I get home from the restaurant there will be a chapter for me to pen, feel me?
I'm babbling from excitement so let me get out of here. I'll talk to ya'll soon.
Oh, and the Ain't Gold Finale is next Tuesday so stop emailing me trying to get sneak peeks. I don't wanna have to tell ya'll again. Just gotta wait and see. After Ain't Gold, look for Don't Ask, Don't Tell to start in a couple of days.

...Ain't Gold (Part Twenty-Nine)

2006-03-21T00:32:00.000-05:00

"Passports?"
"Check."
"The rings?"
"Check."
"Marriage license?"
Nicole moved a couple of papers out of the way from where she sat on the living room floor. "Uh huh, check." Rich sat across from her going over their checklist for the third time.
"Are we paying these people before or after the ceremony?"
"Who, baby?"
"The, um, the pastor and shit."
"Oh. You pay them after the wedding. It's like gratuity, you know? Thanks for giving us your blessing kind of thing."
"And what about Cynthia?"
"I paid her already." She handed him a lengthy receipt. Rich reached out for it with his eyes closed.
"Oh Jesus. Let's see how far in debt we gone be before we even get married." Nicole giggled.
"Hey, you're the one that said I could have whatever I wanted. And it is not that bad."
Rich looked for himself and choked. "You gave this broad ten grand for what? Nikki are you crazy?"
"For eveything! She made all the arrangements and everything. And besides, that's cheap."
"You really tryna kill me, ain't you?"
Nicole put on her poutiest face, the one she knew would get her whatever she wanted. "Baby, I just want everything to be perfect. You're not mad at me are you?"
It worked like a charm every time. He took one look at her big brown eyes, now droopy, and how could he be mad? He knew she was playing him but the girl had mastered the game and he couldn't be mad at her.
"Nah I ain't mad. I just know my ass gotta watch you as soon as you got my last name. I'm changin all my credt card numbers."
That made Nicole laugh. She knew his pockets and wallet were just as much hers as he was. Rich had never ceased to let her have whatever she wanted and that was just fine with her.
"What time is your party?"
Nicole looked up. How could he have known? "What party?"
"Your bachelorette party."
"How-Why-When-"
Rich chuckled. "Baby, I've known bout it longer than you have. Chuchi can't keep a secret for shit."
"Damn. I'm gonna kill her. Well, anyway, it's at eight."
Rich looked down at his Ice-Tek. "You better get goin. I gotta be downtown in a lil bit." They stood from the floor, coming together in a tight long hug before they parted.
"The next time I see you, you're gonna be my wife. Nikki Knightley," he said into her hair.
"I know. I feel like I'm dreaming."
"Want me to wake you up?"
"Ill," she giggled, "You are so nasty."
"I love you, Nikki."
She looked up and into his eyes before answering. "I love you back Richard."

Rich stood in front of the window, one hand in his pocket, the other wrapped around the fifth Newport in twenty minutes. His homies had long since fallen asleep, the worn out stripped laid right out with them. He turned around to look at them, smiled and turned back to the window. The full moon was high in the sky and crisp as a bleached dress shirt. He stared at it, as if it would hold the answer to his restlessness.
He was deep in thouht and as the cigarette burned down to the filter he racked his brain as to why. He was flicking the butt out the window when the light changed. He held his hand out and was greeted with a fresh smoke.
"Brick for your thoughts."
"I wish I knew."
Mookie leaned on the wall beside his friend. "Cold feet?"
"No, not at all. It's not the wedding."
"Then?"
Richard shook his head. "I don't know. I got this thing hangin over my head and I can't seem to shake it. It's like-I don't even know. Al I know is that for the past few days my mental's been all fucked up, you feel me?"
Mookie nodded, though Rich couldn't see. "I feel you. It'll pass."
"I guess."
"You guess? Nigga please. You got all the money you need, no heat from the 'hood, and you bout to marry the flyest broad this side of the river. You ain't got shit to worry about. Now get some sleep for them bags fuck up the pictures and Nikki never forgive you."
Rich laughed aloud at Mookie's soothing humor. He turned to him and pulled him into a hug from a friend and brother. "I love you man. Straight from the heart."
Mookie felt a twinge in his heart. "Same here, fam."

Uptown, neither could his fiancee sleep. Nicole sat cross legged on the floor as Toots flat twisted her hair into design impossible to duplicate. She had grown close to the girl since Rich brought her around, and was now fiercely protective of her. She was practically Nikki's bodyguard.
"I met him when he was sixteen. We was both in school then, as you can see that shit ain't last. Mookie and him been friends since God knows when. But anyway, we used-the three of us-we used to sit in the back of the class and cut the fool like you wouldn't believe. We stayed gettin kicked out."
Nicole covered her mouth. The stories Toots had been telling her all night kept her in stitches. She wasn't sure how much longer she could take it.
Toots saw the effect this was having and smiled. "True story, ma. That nigga is a clown."
Nicole thought for a few mintues as Toots twisted behind her. She waited a long time before speaking. "Is he like that because-well, his life?"
"That's exactly it. He laughs and smiles to hide the pain. There's a lot of shit going on behind them hazel eyes and them pretty dimples. He ain't all fun and games. Rich got a dark side." She was afraid she had scared the girl, so she backed it up quickly with some postivity.
"But you'll never see it. He loves you more than he loves the air he breathes. And that is sayin somethin."
Tha reassureance was all Nikki needed. She fell asleep with her head in Toots lap, so her hair woud stay. Toots watched over her charge until she was sure she was asleep, then nodded off on her own. Tomorrow was a big day, undoubtedly the most important day of either of their lives. Things would change for better or for worse in just twelve short hours.
Toots last thought before drifting off was of Rich.

(c) 2006 Jacki Simmons

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